IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. What mental and physical problems may arise from excessive use of these games? How can these problems be reduced?

In
the
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apply
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recent times, electronic
games
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 have been increasing in the world. A lot of youngsters are playing them. Some experts think that
children
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’s brain
developing
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development
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 is connected
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to videogames
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videogames
Correct your spelling
video games
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, doctors suggest that
children
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 and teenagers should not perform in
much date
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many dates
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 in front of
the
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apply
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computers. The
first
Linking Words
 reason why computer
games
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 are unhealthy is that they have a bad impact on their bodies. The age range of 7 and 18 is when the human body develops the most. That's why those ages are when we need to take the most care of ourselves. If kids and pupils spend a lot of
time
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 playing video
games
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 at a certain
time
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, their hunchback will come out and their eyes will not be able to see clearly. The
second
Linking Words
 cause is that
children
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 who play too much do not have partners around them. When they start
a
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school, they do not have much
time
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 because of lessons. If they are playing them in their leisure
time
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, they cannot make buddies, they can always feel alone. For
this
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 reason, their psychological form is disturbed.
This
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 situation affects their school and family life. Dealing with
this
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 issue involves a lot of steps and cooperation between the child’s family and teachers.
Firstly
Linking Words
, teachers should tell students about the harms of
games
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 and tell them one by one what happens when they cross the line. Parents should
also
Linking Words
 spend more
time
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 with their
children
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, taking the
time
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 they need to spend on computers.
Also
Linking Words
, they should introduce their
children
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 to the other
children
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 in the apartment where they live and make
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 spend
time
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 with them. If the child meets other people and starts enjoying it, he'll want to spend his free
time
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 with them. To conclude, online gaming dependence is an important issue adolescents face and
this
Linking Words
 issue need to are tackled by experts.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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