IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#sports #sky
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It is not rare that in the
sports
Use synonyms
 sector of news forecast,
people
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 are informed about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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random
sports
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 players who died tragically during the performance of extreme
sports
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, especially sky diving and motor racing.
However
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, I
opposing
Wrong verb form
oppose
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 the prohibition of
this
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 kind of sport as apart from
dangers
Correct article usage
the dangers
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, the advantages it brings are enormous.
Firstly
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, extreme
sports
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 enhance the mental sharpness inside each person and assist in expanding their limits. Jumping from an incredible height or going down
from
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a slippery and snowy hill requires
people
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 to keep calm and be intrepid, thereby gradually becoming familiar with confronting obstacles. In
this
Linking Words
 way, extreme
sports
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 players are capable of tackling daily pressure
as well
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as
Correct word choice
apply
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improving their confidence and stepping out of their comfort zone. Scientifically speaking,
people
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 who often do extreme
sports
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 are more likely to succeed and live jocundly compared to those who don’t dare to give it a try.
Moreover
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, studies and
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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 have proved that constant contact with extreme
sports
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 significantly reduces the likelihood of a heart attack and
also
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 decreases blood pressure.
Secondly
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, just like other kinds of
sports
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,
people
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 gain a well-built body through participating in extreme
sports
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. Extreme
sports
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 present
such
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 a demanding challenge that
people
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 become physically fit and strong since they have to work out different muscles.
For instance
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, if they want to go skiing, they must practice stretching their legs and arms beforehand to guarantee that no unexpected accidents will occur. Needless to say, by joining these activities, they can get to interact with more
people
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 whose hobbies are similar to have more fun and improve
the
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apply
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social
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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such
Linking Words
 as communication and the need to be integrated.
To sum up
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, I fiercely believe that extreme
sports
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 cannot be banned since it is not only a way of entertainment, it is a challenge for somebody who feels their life is not interesting enough or that they are still disoriented about the future.
Submitted by giangmiumilk on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph relates directly to the main topic and supports the thesis statement.
task achievement
Express complete and comprehensive ideas that provide a clear answer to the question.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • adrenaline rush
  • risk threshold
  • thrill-seeking
  • safety protocols
  • hazard assessment
  • adventure tourism
  • regulatory framework
  • personal autonomy
  • informed consent
  • risk mitigation strategies
  • thrill-seeking behavior
  • protective gear
  • extreme athleticism
  • freedom of choice
  • accident prevalence
  • emergency response
  • courage and resilience
  • endorphin release
  • legal implications
  • peer pressure effects
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