IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree or disagree?”

#computer #effects #children
Nowadays using
technology
 on regular
bases
Correct your spelling
basis
show examples
 can
cause
 negative
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 rather than a positive on teenagers. I agree with the given statement as
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
effect
Change the verb form
effects
show examples
 on
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 of
children
.
This
 essay shall discuss my
opition
Correct your spelling
opinion
 on
agree
Change the verb form
agreeing
show examples
.
To
Begin
Correct your spelling
begin
show examples
 with, as the
technology
increasing
Add a missing verb
is increasing
show examples
 day by day and the
use
 of
this
 is
also
 extending. And one of the major
use
 of
this
caused
Add a missing verb
is caused
show examples
 by
children
 in terms of
computer
.
Such
 as, with the help of
this humans
Change the determiner
this human
these humans
show examples
 of every
age
Add the comma(s)
,age
show examples
 are using
this
technology
 in
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 concept, which means
yougsters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 are using for study as well as misslanious
use
 and adults are using for
profession
Add an article
the profession
a profession
show examples
.
However
, teenagers
some time
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
 misuse
this
technology
. Just like, playing games,
chating
Correct your spelling
chatting
 with friends fraud and many more.
For example
, recently the survey
done
Add the auxiliary verb
was done
show examples
 by
governement
Correct your spelling
government
 that kids are using
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
 for personal
use
instead
 of
this
 they can utilize their time enhance
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 soft skills to grow in future. On
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 hand, while using
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
 for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time
then
 it may
cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health issues
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
.
Moreover
, using the
computer
 soo long affects on
mental
Add an article
the mental
show examples
 issue and become unstable and can
divort
Correct your spelling
divorce
divert
 there mind doing
study
Add an article
the study
a study
show examples
.
Furthermore
,
also
cause
physical
Add an article
a physical
show examples
 issue like the
children
 only
concentrate
Change the verb form
concentrates
show examples
 on
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
 not doing any physical activities can
cause
 disbalance.
For instance
, due to
this
 current scenario of lockdown
children
 are blocked at home for that reason they only consider
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 while playing games, using social media applications, online streaming and many more,
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
this
, they are not doing any physical activities by
this
 they become unfit and affected by diseases. To conclude, using a lot of
computer
Change to a plural noun
computers
show examples
 can
cause
 some major health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
.
Submitted by Rajat on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Screen time
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Physical inactivity
  • Cognitive development
  • Internet addiction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Inappropriate content
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual learning environments
  • Parental controls
  • Moderation
  • Online safety
  • Tech-savvy
  • E-learning
  • Information technology
  • Eye strain
  • Social skills
  • Multitasking
  • Interactive education
  • Health repercussions
What to do next:
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