IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

some people think that the main prupose of shcolls is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit for them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#people #prupose #shcolls #children #citizens #workers #benefit #individuals
There is a common view that
school
 is supposed to produce useful citizens and workers for the future
instead
 of catering for individual benefits. I totally agree with
this
 viewpoint.
To begin
 with,
school
 being the mainstay of education is given intensive knowledge, well-behaved and well-informed population.
As a result
, it should prioritize equipping students with relevant knowledge and skills which are the elements for the drive for their future career and lay a basic foundation before growth. Since children spend their formative years at
school
, they should be advised on how to learn right from wrong. Put differently,
school
 play a crucial role in discipline and drives the next generations in the correct way. In the end, education helps people make a living later in life and contribute to society.
However
, schools should benefit children as individuals because they are vital in helping children to emotionally develop and unleash their potential aim.
Firstly
, they will promote social interaction with peers in
school
.
Secondly
, these social contacts are proving to be helpful internal emotion are well as feelings.
This
 is because it is like the way to express their ideal, creatively and emotionally is necessary for growth.
Thus
Correct your spelling
This
show examples
school
 ‘aim is to support them with essential skills for individuals. Taking students in NK
for instance
, most of the pupils here always are advised for well-behaved and
also
 in NK is a popular discipline in daily life and during the studying process. Taking all points into account, it is said the major function of
school
 for society including making personal more disciplined in daily life, well-behaved and becoming a norm of social citizens have a contribution to the world , but I would agree it benefits the individual, which is surpassing the advantageous factor of schooling.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to elaborate more on your points with clear, specific examples that strengthen your argument. For instance, you could provide specific ways schools can balance both societal and individual benefits.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, and utilize transitional phrases to create smoother connections between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Double-check for grammatical and sentence structure errors. Improving these will make your arguments clearer and more compelling.
task achievement
Your introduction is concise and clearly presents your stance.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points presented in the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure in place, moving from discussing the societal benefits of schooling to the individual benefits.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: