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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People aim to keep a balance between their work and other parts of their lives, but few people achieve it. What are the problems in trying to achieve this goal and how can these problems be overcome?

#people #aim #balance #work #parts #lives
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It is significant but difficult for
people
 to balance between their
work
 and parts of their lives in the contemporary world. To overcome the issue, it is essential to make a change. Some
people
 feel stress in their
work
. There is a company metaphor that an employee will be promoted or dismissed at the age of 35. It leads to an intense competition of being promoted which situation increases workload that occupies even more than 12 hours a single day, and that tires
people
 easily. Under the dilemma, they feel stress easily.
People
 can overcome it by being a freelancer
such
 as an individual software developer which can have a flexible time arrangement.
Moreover
, they can
also
 be an entrepreneur, it is uncomplicated to run and maintain an online store and they can escape from
rigid
Add an article
the rigid
show examples
work
 schedule. Some of them are addicted to amusement. They are reluctant to
work
 because there are countless kinds of appealing recreation. Usually, they do not have a full-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and are lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
employable skills. They are only willing to
work
 when confronting with
finance
Correct article usage
a finance
show examples
shortage
Fix the agreement mistake
shortages
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. Lack of steady income is the main issue they have. It is essential for
this
 part of
people
 to change their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 of Hedonism. They can improve themselves by setting a goal and acquiring adequate knowledge in order to do some
higher level
Add a hyphen
higher-level
show examples
work
.
Therefore
, they should have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stable
work
 and arrange more time in
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
.
People
 who are unable to balance between their
work
 and life need to make a change in current life. As
thus
, they can eliminate the imbalance and lead a confident life.
Submitted by Steve Yan on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • flexible work arrangements
  • remote work
  • unplug
  • boundaries
  • workplace culture
  • societal pressure
  • stress management
  • time management
What to do next:
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