IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays some countries encourage people to buy more and more products, which is good for economy. While others believe it is bad for the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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At present days, the public in some nations is motivated to purchase goods, which has aroused a discussion between different groups of
people
Use synonyms
.
While
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 encouraging to
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
 stuff can benefit a nation economically, I believe it is certainly detrimental to social development when
people
Use synonyms
 make unnecessary purchases. It certainly enhances the development of the economy when a greater number of folks are willing to consume. The growth in the number of consumers means greater consumer demand, which definitely contributes to the development of some businesses.
For example
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, during the period of the Olympic Games, there is a noticeable rise in the need for sports goods and facilities. Companies that specialize in
such
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 fields receive more orders during
this
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 time, thereby making greater
profit
Fix the agreement mistake
profits
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.
Besides
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, more job opportunities are created since more workers are needed to manufacture adequate goods to meet the
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
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 of customers.
However
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, if more money is spent on items that are more than what
people
Use synonyms
 really need, the consequences can be detrimental to society. First of all,
such
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 behaviour can result in waste. These products are not always necessary or satisfactory, which means they are very likely to be left untouched or even thrown away. It is not rare to see a seemingly fabulous coat that was bought on impulse stay in the closet without being put on again.
In addition
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, encouraging the public to buy more and more stuff is not helpful for individuals to form a positive attitude toward consumption. When they are used to
such
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 a style of
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
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, they may become addicted to buying things without thinking carefully about whether they really need those stuff or not. Nowadays, a number of young adults are keen on buying flashy things, some of which,
however
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,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 too pricey for them to afford,
such
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 as
cutting-edged
Correct your spelling
cutting-edge
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 laptops, brand new cellphones, etc.
Therefore
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, some of them choose to pay by credit card, ignoring the potential danger of
such
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 kind of payment. In conclusion,
while
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 it is true that consumption is an integral part of a nation's economy and encouraging
people
Use synonyms
 to buy products can boost the economy to a certain extent,
such
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 encouragement does harm to society when
people
Use synonyms
 don't base their purchases on their real demands and purchasing power.

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task achievement
The introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and presents both sides of the argument. However, explicitly stating your opinion in the introduction could strengthen your position and guide the reader.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, ensure that each point is supported with detailed examples. While you do provide examples, a few more specifics about the implications of these examples would create a more comprehensive discussion.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion are generally strong, but connecting words and phrases could be used more effectively to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Consider varying your transitional phrases to create smoother transitions.
coherence cohesion
Although your conclusion summarizes your points well, reiterating your main argument more decisively could provide a stronger closure. Reinforcing your opinion explicitly one last time can leave a lasting impression on the reader.
structure
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, allowing for easy navigation of ideas.
content
You effectively balance both perspectives of the argument and present valid points supporting each view, showcasing critical thinking skills.
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