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Band 3.5

Fast food industry is having negative effects on our health?Do you agree or disagree?

#food #industry #effects #health
Due to modernisation,along with technical advancements,the
food
 consumption is
also
 getting advance as it
also
 affected our health and I completely agree with
this
 statement
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
 I will provide reasons to justify my answer in the following paragraphs
To begin
 with,fast
food
 has deleterious effects on health as it originated many health-related problems in an individual
such
 as from the
last
 decade it is seen that more cases of obesity, heart diseases are come across by consuming street
food
.Along with
this
,various ingredients
are use
Change the verb form
are used
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 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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food
 makers which cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
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dreadful impacts on the body of a human being,to illustrates
this
,
recent
Correct article usage
a recent
show examples
 survey declared that
youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 who take more packaged snacks are suffering hazardous ailments
such
 as cancer as it is due to the rubbish meal available in cities and towns. Apart from
this
,fast
food
 suppliers
also
 enhance the use and throw culture in a country,
for example
,more people usually taste the
food
 and
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of it
disposed
Add a missing verb
is disposed
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off
Change the preposition
of
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 which is seen in various places which creates pollution.It
also
affect
Change the verb form
affects
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 the
expensivea
Correct your spelling
expensive
 of a person,
for instance
,due to a
a
Remove the redundancy
apply
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hectic schedule,most
of
Change preposition
apply
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employers
Add an article
the employers
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 buy their meals from restaurants which seems to be much costlier than homemade
food
 and waste a valuable amount of their income on fast
food
. It is concluded that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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one should consume
food
 from
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 industry but at small intervals so that it does not have a major impact on an individual's body as it causes different kinds of disorders in human beings.
Submitted by wahe8585 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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