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Band 4.5

Stress related illness are becoming increasingly common .what do you think the causes of this ? What solutions can you suggest?

#stress #illness
People
 are become
increasing
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increasingly
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 ill
as a result
 of
stress
 faced by them ag their
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
 .
this
 essay will discuss two main causes of
stress related
Add a hyphen
stress-related
show examples
 sickness including longer working
hours
 and poor diet choices .
This
 essay will
also
 suggest solutions to these problems including improving one's
work
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
life
 balance and healthy lifestyle .
People
 nowadays are working longer
hours
 than ever before .the growing competitions
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 are
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 of the major reasons for
this
 phenomenon.
For
instance
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,instance
show examples
 many believe that putting on longer
hours
 will help them gain recognition and will help them to climb up the ladder at workspaces .
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 many are suffering from severe
stress
 and sickness followed it.The best solution is to find
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
wor
Correct your spelling
work
show examples
life
 balance .
people
 should give equal importance to their personal
life
 as well .Taking
timeout
Add an article
a timeout
show examples
 from
work
 , engaging in leisure time activities with one's family all help to destress a person.
In addition
 , man are least bothered about their dietary habits .
stress
 cause some to eat more and others to skip their meals
People
 often forgot that our body needs optimum nutrition to perform at
our
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 best levels .the
soution
Correct your spelling
solution
 of
this
depend
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depends
show examples
 entirely on each individual by making healthier food choices indulging themselves in physical activities .these will help them to improve their health and reduces the risk of future
stress related
Add a hyphen
stress-related
show examples
 illness . In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 more and more
people
 are suffering from
stress related
Add a hyphen
stress-related
show examples
 issues .these
days
Add a comma
,days
show examples
 the major cause of
this
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
longerworkong
Correct your spelling
longer working
hours
 and poor dietary habits. The only solution to these
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
, eat
healthy
Change the adjective
healthily
show examples
 and create a proper
work
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
life
 balance .
Submitted by minuderik2411 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • stress-related illnesses
  • rapid pace
  • pressure
  • balance
  • omnipresent
  • information overload
  • disconnect
  • economic uncertainties
  • job insecurity
  • financial stress
  • environmental factors
  • chronic stress
  • work-life balance
  • flexible working hours
  • mental health
  • support programs
  • physical activity
  • healthy eating habits
  • awareness
  • accessibility
  • counseling
  • stress management
  • community environment
  • reconnect with nature
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