IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

“Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up.” To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#“fatherhood #motherhood #idea #women #babies #children
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It is certainly true that
mother
Correct article usage
the mother
show examples
 is the person who has a very important role and a great influence on the
children
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I do not agree with the statement that maternity
is merely have
Change the verb form
merely has
show examples
 a duty of care to
Add an article
the kid
a kid
show examples
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
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because
Add the preposition
ofbecause
show examples
 the responsibility for nurturing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
.
First
Linking Words
 of all, every
child
Use synonyms
 who is brought to
this
Linking Words
 world needs the love and attention of
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 to be more emotionally and physically secured. Many studies have pointed out that
fathers
Use synonyms
’ involvement drastically
influence
Change the verb form
influences
show examples
 a
child
Use synonyms
’s emotional reception. With that in mind, if a
child
Use synonyms
 didn’t receive his or her father’s care, it could affect the
child
Use synonyms
’s growth negatively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the role of
fathers
Use synonyms
 is not only limited to providing financial support, they are
also
Linking Words
 responsible for taking care of and raising
children
Use synonyms
. The influence of
fathers
Use synonyms
 has a great impact on
children
Use synonyms
,
children
Use synonyms
 idolize their own
fathers
Use synonyms
 and like
fathers
Use synonyms
 are an example for
children
Use synonyms
 to follow
thus
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 will be independent and strong.
In addition
Linking Words
, in the eyes of the
children
Use synonyms
, the father is like a superhero who will always stand up for them when they are bullied by other people.
Therefore
Linking Words
, his son or daughter feel more secure and protected under
father’s
Correct pronoun usage
his father’s
show examples
 wings.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
dad
Correct article usage
the dad
show examples
 can listen and give advice when a
child
Use synonyms
 has issues. In conclusion, fatherhood should be highlighted no less than motherhood due to its importance and uniqueness.
Besides
Linking Words
, a
child
Use synonyms
 needs
both
Use synonyms
 its
Use synonyms
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 affection and support and
that is
Linking Words
 why
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 should play equal roles in raising a
child
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by thientrang1616 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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