Young people today spend too much money and time following fashion trends (clothing, tech). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #time #fashion #trends #tech

this

day and age, there are many fashion trends

as well as

advanced technology that are

attracted by

Wrong verb form

attracting

show examples

youngers

Correct your spelling

younger

show examples

. Many people believe that

youngers

Correct your spelling

youngsters

show examples

waste too much

time

and

money

to follow these latest trends. As far as I

concerned

Add a missing verb

am concerned

show examples

, I partly agree with

this

statement for the below reasons. On the one hand, it is true that some young people are willing to pay a huge amount of

money

and

time

to follow the latest style as

the

Correct article usage

show examples

way to show off their

finance

Fix the agreement mistake

finances

show examples

and

keeping

Wrong verb form

keep

show examples

up with their peers.

That is

to say that changing clothes constantly or trying to own the most touch-notch devices

such

iPhone

Correct article usage

an iPhone

show examples

and Macbook that might

unnecessary

Add a missing verb

be unnecessary

show examples

could be seen as most typical for

this

lifestyle. They pay for the most expensive devices to increase their appearance

values

Fix the agreement mistake

value

show examples

. Several years ago, the scene of long Chinese

youngers

line

Wrong verb form

lining

show examples

up all night for the first day of selling the newest iPhone model

has been

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

shared on many social network platforms and has

risen

Verb problem

raised

show examples

a question

Change preposition

among

show examples

the public about the tendency of high number addicted younger to

fashion

Add an article

the fashion

a fashion

show examples

trend

Fix the agreement mistake

trends

show examples

On the other hand

, it could be wrong if we conclude that all younger

group

Fix the agreement mistake

groups

show examples

attend to

this

situation. Many individuals prefer a simple lifestyle. they

also

buy necessary items and tend to choose lifetime and

good

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

price technological products to save

money

For instance

according to

a survey in 2019 from Trent

university

Capitalize word

University

show examples

, 60% of students said that they care more about their laptop’s function than the model and brand of laptops.

Moreover

, there is

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

majority of

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

generation

prefer

Correct subject-verb agreement

prefers

show examples

to invest

time

and

money

to do

Verb problem

show examples

many activities

such

as learning languages, studying majors and

improve

Wrong verb form

improving

show examples

their health. In conclusion,

although

some

youngers

waste their

money

and

time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

following the latest fashion trends, there are meaningful activities paid

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

attention

Change preposition

to by

show examples

young people

Submitted by hbui19982016 on Sat Jul 31 2021

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are more impactful and effectively summarize the main points of the essay.

task response

Your response could be more comprehensive in addressing all aspects of the essay question. Try to provide a balanced argument and consider both positive and negative impacts of following fashion trends on young people.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

314 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

self-expression
peer pressure
social media influence
financial stability
fast fashion
consumerism
social validation
fear of missing out (FOMO)
cultural shifts
marketing strategies
environmental sustainability
thrift shopping
do-it-yourself (DIY)
economic impact
sustainable practices
upcycling

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