IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

A successful person is one who has earned a lot of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#person #money
The amount of
money
 a
person
 has earned is often used as a viable parameter to measure
success
. Being rich might define
success
 in materialistic terms
nevertheless
, there are numerous other crucial variables that can be used to gauge a
person
's accomplishments in life. The following paragraphs will shed light on these.
To begin
 with, social connectivity can be considered an important facet. It is common knowledge that
money
 cannot buy happiness and human beings are social animals. A
person
 might have ample
money
 but without developing
adequate
Add an article
an adequate
show examples
 social connection with family or friends or society in general, the
person
 will always end up feeling lonely.
This
 feeling of loneliness will cause a negative effect on the general well-being of the
person
 and life satisfaction. General well-being and life satisfaction attained
as a result
 of social support is
thus
, a more prominent measure of
success
 because it has
deeper
Add an article
a deeper
show examples
 psychological impact.
Additionally
, another important factor can be the extent to which a
person
 is satisfied with his or her career path or the way the
money
 is earned.
Firstly
, earning a lot of
money
 at the expense of choosing a career that one loathes can be detrimental for again
Correct your spelling
overall
show examples
over all
Correct your spelling
overall
show examples
 well-being.
Secondly
, it is essential to develop skills, talents and moral values as compared to a high salary.
For example
, there are
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of careers that have high revenues but are not considered to contribute to society
such
 as
drugs
Correct article usage
the drugs
show examples
 mafia or other illegal occupations. These occupations are not considered to be ethical or even successful despite
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
huge revenues.
Therefore
, we can easily say that high salary, profits or revenues simply does not define
success
. In conclusion,
money
 and material things
be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 one part of
success
 but
non material
Add a hyphen
non-material
show examples
 things like relationships and
self-fulfillment
Change the spelling
self-fulfilment
show examples
 can be more eminent.
Submitted by sehar.sohail2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: