IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say that excessive noise should be a criminal offense, while others say they should be free to make noise without limitation. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #noise #offense #limitation
Some individuals think that
people
 making high
noise
 should be punished. Whilst,
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 believe that residents must be allowed to make high pitch sounds
freely
Replace the adverb
free
show examples
.
This
 essay agrees with the
first
 statement because it disturbs the social environment and affects health. On the
first
 hand, several say that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government laws must be made to punish those making strong noises.
That is
 to, say because sounds that are highly disturbing affect the physical health of
people
.
Furthermore
,
Many
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
people
 do have problems with
hearts
Correct pronoun usage
their hearts
show examples
.
Therefore
,
such
 noises make their life more difficult. Personally, the environment around
people
 is extremely frustrating. Citizens are not able to live peacefully with disruptions.
For example
, in India, numerous weddings happen every day. So, organisers of
such
 programs use
music
Correct article usage
a music
show examples
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 to enjoy the day.
However
, individuals living near
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
areas suffer a lot due to sounds created by speakers.
On the other hand
, some argue that there should be no restrictions and they must be allowed to make unlimited
noise
. They think that listening to the music and generating maximum
noise
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
 them to release their true emotions. I believe that
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 acts may sound selfish as they disturb
people
 over their happiness. The government can make strict rules to stop
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
.
For instance
, in many states including Delhi. It is a criminal
offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
 if
people
 are found screaming after 10 pm. In conclusion, many comments that strict law must be enacted to stop
violence
Add an article
the violence
show examples
 of
noise
. Still, some argue that citizens should be given chances to make high sounds. As it helps them to overcome stress and tension. But,
this
 essay strongly agrees with
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 point.
Submitted by tarsemsandhu6275 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: