IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously?

#countries #cities #people #world #government
As globalization is going on and the price of transportation to other countries is going down,
people
 tend to leave their
country
 and move to large cities
such
 as London, Vancouver, and New York. One of the reasons is to find a good place to live.
However
,
people
 who move to a new city may be discriminated against by local
people
 due to language and cultural differences.
Therefore
, the government needs to make some policies to ensure all the
people
 live harmoniously.
Firstly
, the government can make some programs to encourage
people
 from another
country
 to adapt well to society. An example of
this
 policy can be a language or
history
 program run by public or private institutes. When
people
 understand the
history
 of the
country
, they feel more comfortable understanding differences in culture and it can help them to communicate with local
people
.
Secondly
, world
history
 should be mandatory in secondary school to make our children respect foreigners. When we teach our children focusing on their own
history
, they may have prejudiced perspectives on other countries and cannot embrace the differences of others. Teaching
this
 difference to young children will ultimately contribute to making
people
 live harmoniously.
Lastly
, the government can give benefits on tax for those who immigrate to the
country
 for a specific period. These economic benefits will make immigrants take some time and spend their time to be more involved in community works. In conclusion, these three policies can help foreigners to live harmoniously and they will make a more balanced society.
Submitted by tithipatel1731 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cosmopolitan
  • inclusive policies
  • cultural exchange
  • integration
  • community centers
  • anti-discrimination
  • awareness campaigns
  • support systems
  • diversity
  • equal opportunities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: