IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
We are living in a country of vast diversity. Different states
Add a missing verb
are comprises
show examples
comprises
Correct your spelling
comprised
show examples
 of varied
cultures
Use synonyms
 and traditions.
People
Use synonyms
 value customs more than anything. Many studies have been conducted to understand the origins of the
cultures
Use synonyms
 and find the link between them.
Notable
Change the article
A notable
The notable
show examples
 number of
people
Use synonyms
 say that
music
Use synonyms
 is a good way to bring
people
Use synonyms
 of varied
cultures
Use synonyms
 and ages together. In
this
Linking Words
 day and time,
people
Use synonyms
 are interested in listening to
music
Use synonyms
. Like different
cultures
Use synonyms
 in our nation,
music
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 has varied categories. Some are interested in listening to pop
music
Use synonyms
, while
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 may be attracted
towards
Change preposition
to
show examples
 listening
folk
Change preposition
to folk
show examples
 style.
This
Linking Words
 helps in getting close to each other.
For example
Linking Words
, two strangers entering a hostel room for the
first
Linking Words
 time,
although
Linking Words
 their
cultures
Use synonyms
 or age may vary. One might be from Andhra Pradesh, while the other can be from Chennai. They cannot know each other’s language or tradition. But their interest
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 tone of
music
Use synonyms
 may match.
Thus
Linking Words
 it might help them to get closer and understand each other.
Music
Use synonyms
 can be a link to connect different age groups
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 several occasions.
For example
Linking Words
, if a birthday party is happening,
music
Use synonyms
 can enhance the event by making them dance irrespective of the age group.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it can act as a relief to the aged
people
Use synonyms
. Parents after spending the medieval life working hard for the sake of their child’s career. There will be a day, when the parents feel that our work is done and we can relax now, at
this
Linking Words
 point
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 time;
music
Use synonyms
 can act as a great relief. To summarize,
although
Linking Words
 separated by different
cultures
Use synonyms
 and varied by ages,
music
Use synonyms
 can act as a link to bring all
people
Use synonyms
 together. To add up, it will help in developing
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 understanding of the
people
Use synonyms
 and enhances better living.
Submitted by nitin.chowdary4545 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: