IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that it's a good idea to socialize with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it's important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In our modern society, it is discussed among
people
Use synonyms
 that getting on well with co-workers apart from
work
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 hours by spending some moments with them helps everyone.
However
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, some are against that statement
due to
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 keeping privacy between
colleagues
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. I believe that individuals should invest their
time
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 in both
colleagues
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 and friends
,
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apply
show examples
 because you can not isolate from your workplace as you dedicate much
time
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 there. No one can deny that
,
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apply
show examples
 socializing with
colleagues
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 can strengthen bonds and improve workplace relationships, leading to a more cohesive and cooperative
work
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 environment. Actually,
people
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 are eager to socialize with
people
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 with whom they spend more
time
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. It may help to understand each other on a personal level, they may
work
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 together more effectively and support one another in achieving common goals.
For example
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, I have
colleagues
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 whom I keep in touch with after
work
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time
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, sometimes we arrange meetings outside the office to do some tasks together or just converse about the recent news, it enhances our relationship more than it was in the beginning.
On the other hand
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, some communities say that there must be private things and that
people
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 should split their career and personal lives from each other,
Linking Words
also includes
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
people
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 who
work
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 with them. Practically, keeping a balanced
work
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 and lifespan may illustrate the clear boundary between professional responsibilities and personal well-being.
This
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 separation can be a key way to achieve
work
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-life equality and prevent burnout.
However
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, I think that engagement with
colleagues
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 has much more benefits than keeping privacy.
Although
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 there should be stability between family and
work
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.
To sum up
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, daily interaction with fellow professionals can reduce misconceptions among employees,
while
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 showing clear boundaries between job peers and devoting spare
time
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 to activities with them should be balanced.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing a more nuanced introduction that clearly outlines the two views you're discussing. This could help frame the argument better.
task achievement
In the second paragraph, while you provide a good example, it could be enhanced further with more detail about how these interactions lead to specific benefits.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your own opinion in the conclusion as it currently feels a bit vague, which could strengthen your overall argument.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by discussing both perspectives, which shows good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your use of personal examples adds authenticity to your argument and makes it relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • professional boundaries
  • team-building activities
  • mental health
  • cohesive work environment
  • personal development
  • workplace relationships
  • informal networking
  • job satisfaction
  • clear boundaries
  • personal well-being
  • common goals
  • burnout prevention
  • sense of belonging
  • achieving balance
  • privacy maintenance
  • career benefits
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