Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and so should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the modern world, it is undeniable that different professions receive vastly different levels of income. Some people argue that essential
workers
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such
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as doctors, nurses, and
teachers
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should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities because of their greater contribution to society.
Although
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some may disagree with
this
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view, I partly support it
due to
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several reasons, which will be examined in
this
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essay. One of the most apparent reasons is that professional
workers
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play a crucial role in maintaining social well-being. To illustrate, doctors and nurses are responsible for saving lives and improving public health,
while
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teachers
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shape the future by educating the next generation.
For instance
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, without healthcare professionals, societies would struggle to manage diseases, and without
teachers
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, there would be a lack of skilled individuals in the workforce.
In addition
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, these professions often require years of training, dedication, and responsibility, which justifies higher compensation. Another point that should not be overlooked is that salaries in sports and entertainment are influenced by market demand and economic factors. To clarify, athletes and entertainers generate significant revenue through media, sponsorships, and global audiences.
For example
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, popular sports events attract millions of viewers, creating substantial income that supports high salaries.
Therefore
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,
while
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their social contribution may differ, their earnings reflect the value placed on their work by the market.
This
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suggests that income differences are not solely based on social importance. To recapitulate, it is evident that professional
workers
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such
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as doctors and
teachers
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contribute greatly to society,
while
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salaries in
entertainment
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the entertainment
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industries are driven by economic demand.
Therefore
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, I believe that
although
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essential
workers
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deserve higher recognition and better pay, salary structures should
also
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consider market realities and financial sustainability.

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task response
Make your side more clear from the start. You say you partly agree, but your main view could be stronger in each body part.
task response
Add one more direct example for why doctors, nurses, or teachers should be paid more. This will make your answer feel more full.
task response
Explain the other side a bit more, then show why your view is still stronger. This can help your answer feel more balanced.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are good, but a few feel a bit formal or repeated. Use simple links and make each paragraph flow more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
The second body paragraph is clear, but the jump from social value to market value could be smoother with one short guiding sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Your main points are supported, but a few ideas could be developed more before moving to the next point.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion.
task response
Your ideas stay on the topic from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, so the essay is easy to follow.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
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