IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#universities #numbers #students
Graduation college should be attended by
both
 males and females equally for all
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
. Higher educational institutes should allow equal opportunities to study each subject without
gender
 differences. I believe, in the same level of acceptance in all
subjects
. Because these days
both
 girls and boys can study any subject and show their capabilities by learning and interest
Firstly
, If there are unequal students in any subject considering
gender
, It may cause problems in future. As an example more
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in computer science, Will choose
a similar jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
a similar job
similar jobs
show examples
 like software developers. By following
such
trend
Correct article usage
a trend
show examples
 only female employees get to work in these industries. On the other ,hand boys will only get more chances in
mechanical
Add an article
the mechanical
show examples
 field resulting from non-computer
subjects
.
This
 can cause diversification problems and only one
gender
 will be working in one specific domain, while the other in a different domain.
However
, equal opportunities in all
subjects
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 could help in raising in employment as
both
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 work together, to achieve higher goals. While considering equal options employers
also
 look for
both
gender
 candidates and that will result in more girls in many fields like national security, mechanical and scientific jobs. For ,instance in many countries still
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 are less exposed to jobs, mostly they are looking for household works or childcare. To conclude, an equal ratio of male and female in all
subjects
 definitely improve employment for women and
also
 empower them. All colleges and universities should consider
this
 and will result in a brighter future
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 females especially. Admitting the same amount of students in each course is better.
Submitted by bhajan.verma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
What to do next:
Look at other essays: