IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many people are working longer hours. Why is this happening? What problems can this cause to people?

#people #hours
Many
people
 are giving their
work
 precedence over their personal
life
: they are putting more and more hours into their job. I believe that there are two chief reasons for
this
 phenomenon and it can adversely affect these
people
 in terms of health and social relationships. The two reasons concern financial and social gains, as well as the modern lifestyle.
Firstly
, and rather obviously, almost everyone works in order to gain money and attain better social status. As living standards rise, so do these needs, which compel them to dedicate even a larger share of their day to their professional
life
.
Moreover
, the advent of social media has given
people
 the ability to see what their friends are doing and how they are faring.
This
 creates tremendous pressure on us because it triggers our social instinct to emulate peers and superiors.
Secondly
, an increasingly popular trend today is living independently,
that is
, more young
people
 tend to leave their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 to pursue their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Therefore
,
work
 overshadows other aspects of their lives
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and claims the greatest part of their
time
 and attention.
However
,
this
 level of dedication has its problems. More
time
 at
work
 means less
time
 for other key elements in
life
. When
people
 let
work
 bleed into personal
life
, they pay less attention to important relationships
such
parents
Change preposition
as parents
show examples
, spouses, and other relatives.
This
 often leads to estrangement and isolation.
Also
, overworked
people
 have little
time
 for rest and recreation, which renders them constantly restless and stressed. Obviously, high prestige cannot make up for the loss of health and relationships. Not only that, the resulting problems sure have detrimental impacts on the quality of
work
 itself, defeating the purpose of progressing up the career ladder. In conclusion, as we gravitate to a
life
 imbued with a desire for wealth and social status, devoting the bulk of our
time
 to
work
, we risk undermining important values that make us human.
Submitted by quangnd159 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: