IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Computers are now the basis of the modern world. They should therefore be introduced into classrooms, and their programs used for direct teaching purposes. However, dependence on computers in teaching may carry a certain degree of risk to students.

#computers #basis #world #classrooms #programs #purposes #dependence #risk #students
It has been suggested that topic for discussion, as a matter fact, technologies are developing so computers are indispensable for everyone in the contemporary time. Some people claim that classrooms are to be provided with it and their program,
in
contrast
Add the comma(s)
,contrast
show examples
 the others argue that there are certain level risks in
this
 process. We will discuss both
sides
 of the argument.
To begin
 with, schools or classrooms should be ensured with computers and programs. In fact, nowadays
technology
 and knowledge are getting progress,
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
 some people believe that
this
 century is '
technology
' time. To be honest, if classrooms are provided with computers, probably
children
 can get more data than before time. As a
pattern
Add a comma
,pattern
show examples
 if a person doesn't know anything, he will learn much and large information. On top of that,
children
 will accustom to utilize from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
 for useful things,
in
addition
Add the comma(s)
,addition
show examples
this
 situation will create extra obligations and responsibility feeling. Briefly, we can see that there are some positive points on
this
 matter. Let us take a look at the other so that many people consider that there are some risks in
this
 process. I am to admit that some illnesses can be established by computer in front of sitting down
such
 as weaker of eyes, back pains like kyphosis, scoliosis and so on. No doubt that the healthy always is indispensable and decisive than other things. In fact, some doctors and scholars recommend that technological beam must be avoided by everyone,
children
 ought to accustom to
this
 process.
Hence
, the negative
sides
 outnumber the positive
sides
. Weighing up both
sides
 of the argument,
children
 are necessary to be accustomed to books and they have to use
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technology
 for beneficial things.
Submitted by aydin.quliyev2001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: