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Writing Samples
Band 3

Studies suggest that children spend more time watching TV than they did in the past and they spend less time in doing active or creative things. What are the causes and what methods can be used to solve the problem?

#studies #children #time #tv #methods
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These days juveniles spend most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 time watching television rather than running through creative things .It is needless to say that availability of TV and smartphones is the major cause for
this
 and
parents
 should be more inflexible with adolescents to terminate
this
 trend. Related ideas will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. To embark on, there are many reasons for addiction
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 televisions.
First
 of all, at the moment, platforms
such
 as TV, smartphones ,computers are usually available to every individual which is very convenient for them to use
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
at
Change preposition
apply
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anywhere at
anytime
Replace the word
any time
show examples
.
Teenagers
 can use them with just a click of buttons .
Moreover
, on
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 platforms content
such
 as movies web series songs are extremely interesting as well as providing at no cost. So, children cannot resist
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
admiring these shows on
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
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. In order to discourage
teenagers
 from watching television,
parents
 should be more strict and harsh on children
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Parents
 should not provide TVs to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers
 under any circumstances.
This
 is the
first
 and crucial step to take.
Moreover
, schools should encourage
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young students to indulge in
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
show examples
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
show examples
 activities and hobbies
such
 as music ,dance, sports. Due to
this
teenagers
 could
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lab their passion To Perorate,I reiterate my opinion that
advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
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 technology
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 made TV readily available to youth due to which they are indulging more in watching television
instead
 of doing creative work. To manage
this
,
parents
 and school authorities should encourage children to perform functional tasks.
Submitted by manav mittal on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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