IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the extinction of animal species is a natural process and humans should not intervene. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #extinction #species #process #humans
It has been believed that the animal’s extinction is part of the
planet
 process of evolution. Despite it, animals are an important element on our
planet
, not just
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the environmental side but
also
 in our agriculture process. As a start, they are part of our environment by helping the natural process of
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 and plantation growth. While they move around as the
seasons
Change to a genitive case
season's
seasons'
show examples
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
show examples
 during the year, they are
also
 moving seed and vegetation along with them as they migrate from one place to another. Take giraffes as an example, they eat the leaves on the top of the trees and that the same time they are assisting the tree to generate new leaves while
seed
Fix the agreement mistake
seeds
show examples
fall
Change the verb form
falls
show examples
 on the ground for
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
tree
Fix the agreement mistake
trees
show examples
 to
grown
Change the form of the verb
grow
show examples
 there. By increasing the flora of our
planet
, we would
also
 have an improvement on our air quality as vegetation can absolve carbon dioxane,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is one of the main factors
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 global warming.
Furthermore
, the plantation is
also
 affected by the animals’ relocation. Even
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
thought
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
, they could eat some of
Add an article
the plantation
show examples
plantation
Fix the agreement mistake
plantations
show examples
, they
also
 can eat the pest and insects that
are prejudice
Change the verb form
prejudice
show examples
 it, at the same time we would not need to use large amounts of pesticides to protect
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In conclusion, humans and the earth need
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals for our survival and evolution
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
planet
, they are
also
 an important aspect to help us
into helping
Replace the preposition
to help
show examples
planet
 Earth with climates changes. Animals are more than just food, they are
also
 part of the place we call home,
therefore
, we should protect
instead
 of
eliminate
Change the verb form
eliminating
show examples
 them.
Submitted by carvalhos.comercial on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Get your IELTS Essential Vocabulary List —
What to do next:
Look at other essays: