IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

some people think that the internet makes a person more sociable while other think it makes a person less sociable. discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #internet #person
The
internet
 is undoubtedly one of the greatest inventions of all. While some
people
 believe that the
internet
 has made them more
extrovert
Replace the word
extroverted
show examples
 in order to socialise, others believe it makes
people
 more
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
.
This
 essay will discuss both the views following
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the relevant example and my opinion on
this
 topic.
First
 of all,
to begin
 with, because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technological advancement,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication has become quite easy as compared to the previous time. Various social media applications and websites made it convenient for anyone and everyone to contact their loved ones living miles apart. Apart from
this
, because of
degitalization
Correct your spelling
digitalization
digitalisation
, many individuals get an opportunity to represent themselves in front of a huge group of
people
 and eventually it helps
overcoming
Change the verb form
to overcome
show examples
 their insecurities.
For example
, many of us are not comfortable in front of the camera but we have the knowledge that we can spread to the world.
This
 has become possible with the help of YouTube and it helped many
people
 to come out of their
shell
Fix the agreement mistake
shells
show examples
.
Consequently
, excess use of the
internet
 results in
decreased
Add an article
a decreased
the decreased
show examples
 amount of social activities and eventually depression. Nowadays, there are many websites available in the market where an individual can chat with the person of their choice and make new friends according to
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 preference.
However
, it affects their skills to socialize with
people
 in person that could result in distancing themselves from reality and could lead to anxiety and depression. A recent survey shows that the number of youngsters suffering from mental health issues increased by 40% in the
last
 decade. In conclusion, considering the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
 reasons,
although
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 is a very helpful invention, if not used in moderation, keeping its disadvantages in mind, it could affect the basic
human-skills
Correct your spelling
human skills
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a very considerable extent.
Submitted by raichurakavita8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media
  • forums
  • chat rooms
  • interaction
  • introverted
  • belonging
  • virtual social events
  • video calls
  • messaging apps
  • long-distance relationships
  • face-to-face interactions
  • non-verbal cues
  • real-world conversations
  • superficial interactions
  • meaningful relationships
  • dependency
  • isolation
  • online presence
  • physical social events
What to do next:
Look at other essays: