IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Technology like AI and robotics are automatic many human jobs and helping maximize company profits. However, this may result in a new wave of mass unemployment and the government should step in to regulate these fields. Discuss both sides of this argument.

#technology #robotics #jobs #company #profits #wave #mass #unemployment #government #step #fields #argument
Human jobs are mainly dependent on AI and robotics these days and
Add a missing verb
are
show examples
expected to grow in future tremendously. I am
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
green to the fact that it generates a vast majority of unemployed workers. Let's look at and discuss
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
both views. Since 1956, where is termed
as
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 intelligent
machines
Fix the agreement mistake
machine
show examples
, artificial
intelligence
 has made a huge significance in human life. Indiatoday practice we as humans are generally so dependent on AI for our daily duties. Sometimes it goes unnoticed. Artificial
intelligence
 has made its mark in from development infrastructure to healthcare. Example IDM health tag is
first-ever
Correct article usage
the first-ever
show examples
 firm to use weak artificial
intelligence
 to regulate their documents and to analyse almost 60000 documents within a matter of seconds, if we considered the human for the same duty it might cost longer time and more chances of errors may occur.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 many people's livelihood has been snatched since I come
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 place to do human work.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 if we take an example of
of
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
sectors like farming infrastructure. We often found that
inclusion
Correct article usage
the inclusion
show examples
 of any sort of machine to overtake humans work have reduced the main force drastically to a point that nowadays we only need one or two workers to run the whole manufacturing unit , does a major labour sector have been unemployed. in
house
Add an article
the house
show examples
 mostly we are so dependent on artificial
intelligence
 that we don't even
noticed
Change the verb form
notice
show examples
 its significance in our daily lives. All in all artificial
intelligence
 and robotics are
Correct pronoun usage
some
show examples
one
Correct quantifier usage
some
show examples
 of the most important and successful inventions in humans history
however
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 create a huge amount of unemployment.
Submitted by bhumisharma780 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: