IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that children should be taught at school about how to be good parents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Fostering
parents
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 who are capable to raise healthy
children
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seems
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seem
show examples
 to be of high importance. It is believed that schools should shoulder the responsibility of teaching parental
matters
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 to
children
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. I completely disagree since
children
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 should concentrate on other
matters
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 during their childhood lives like education and recreational
activities
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, and
parents
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 are more effective in
this
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 regard. Regarding education,
children
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 are supposed to acquire knowledge about the very basic aspects of science and literature.
This
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 could be markedly tough for them since they had not had any relative experience in
this
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 regard. So, they should be prevented from occupying with other subjects in order to be more efficient in education while learning parental
matters
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 could be either attractive or confusing for them. In doing so, they would fail to pay ample attention to studying.
For example
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,
children
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 might indulge in considering themselves as
parents
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 if they learnt about the responsibilities of
parents
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.
Thus
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, schools’ subjects should be thoroughly related to science. As far as sport is concerned,
children
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 should
used
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be used
use
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 to participate in these kinds of
activities
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 regularly since their childhood. People
are generally condemn
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are generally condemned
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 to engage in sedentary
activities
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 in
this
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 modern world which
has
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have
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 deprived them of getting enough exercise.
This
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 has led to increasing numbers of people who are struggling with either physical or mental disorders. Statistics indicate that about 40% of adult citizens suffer from diseases
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 are the consequences of physical
activities
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.
Children
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 should be forced to exercise on a daily basis to consider it as an essential part of their adult lives to protect themselves against some illnesses.
Therefore
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, investing quality time in sport is likely to be more important than learning about being a good parent.
Finally
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,
children
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 should learn these
matters
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 from their
parents
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. Since
Correct your spelling
caregivers
show examples
care givers
Correct your spelling
caregivers
show examples
 are the ones
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with who
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who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
children
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 spend the most time
with
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apply
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and,
consequently
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, would learn valuable lessons about
life based
Add a hyphen
life-based
show examples
 on their
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
.
This
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 could render the
activities
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 of schools fruitless if they were not matched with
parents
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’ attitudes.
This
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 disagreement could be detrimental to the perceptions of
children
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 about being
parents
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.
Thus
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. Merely one group should be responsible
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 teaching parental
matters
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 to
children
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 which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 inevitably
Correct your spelling
caregivers
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care givers
Correct your spelling
caregivers
show examples
. In conclusion, I disagree that
children
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 should learn about being good
parents
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 at schools. Since there are countless numbers of subjects that should be valued at that
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 which are more influential and
parents
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 have more impacts on
children
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 in
this
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 regard.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Boarding school
  • Day school
  • Parental involvement
  • Independence
  • Responsibility
  • Social skills
  • Academic outcomes
  • Facilities
  • Community environment
  • Family bonds
  • Emotional support
  • Cost implications
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Diverse backgrounds
  • Parental oversight
What to do next:
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