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Band 5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
Many
people
work
 long
hours
 leaving very little time for leisure activities,
this
 situation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 more advantages or more disadvantages. Most
people
 have
different
Change the article
a different
show examples
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
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 of needs, in order to complete their
well
Change the adverb
good
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wish
Add a comma
,wish
show examples
 they are working huge
hours
 while spending limited
hours
 for resting. Working Extra
hours
 will be given more
salary
 but not liberty.
This
 essay will discuss
Correct article usage
the pro
show examples
pro
Fix the agreement mistake
pros
show examples
 and cons
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 employing huge
hours
.
First
 and foremost, working long
hours
 is an advantage,
people
 who are not well educated usually earning minimum
salary
 base in around the
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
 but only one thing they can manage their family from working long
hours
 to obtain a higher
salary
.
For instance
,
Developing
Change preposition
in Developing
show examples
 country
such
 as Sri Lanka standard minimum
salary
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 announced is USD 100 Dollars but City living cost will
be exceed
Change the verb form
exceed
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 per person USD 50 Dollars in
this
 case living with family is impossible.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
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 most of youngest exposed to buy modern technology through seeing others in
this
 way they buy cars, phones, computers and more. All of
this
 they needing some money. These are inevitable for human option
however
 they believe if they
work
 long
hours
 they can earn a lot and buy those things.
Moreover
people
 ambition. Most of the
lower income
Add a hyphen
lower-income
show examples
people
 have
dream
Add an article
a dream
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 about their children education for
this
 they must
work
 hard.
Hence
 they forced
Correct pronoun usage
themself
themselves
show examples
them self
Correct your spelling
themself
show examples
 to
work
 long duration without having any break.
For example
, in India statistics indicate that many parents working 24
hours
 for their children’s future education.
On the other hand
, Working overtime has
a negative impacts
Correct the article-noun agreement
a negative impact
negative impacts
show examples
, many psychologists
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 that most of the patients who came to see them are totally depressed. They confirmed it could have been raised through working overtime. Each and every
employees
Change to a singular noun
employee
show examples
 have a dream that of course, spending more time with their family but if not happened due to
work
 pressure they will be totally uncontrolled
also
 can be lead to suicide.
For instance
, IT
people
 have more stress and most of them are unmarried or divorced according to the
work
 pressure.
Finally
, to summarize, rest is so important for everyone while earning money. If
people
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to manage their professional and personal life, working long duration won’t be a big problem.
Submitted by sanj718 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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