Film stars and music celebrities may earn a great deal of money and live in luxurious surroundings, but many of them lead unhappy lives. Do you agree? To what extent is this the price they pay for being famous? You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. You should write at least 250 words.

#film #stars #music #celebrities #money #surroundings #lives #price #support #arguments #evidence

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Actors and musicians who have earned fame and success are believed to enjoy glamorous

life

. Whereas, some

people

opine that reverse is the case. As there have been

many

Correct quantifier usage

much

show examples

speculation

regarading

Correct your spelling

regarding

this

. I do

also

think that even though money and fame

enables

Change the verb form

enable

show examples

them to live a grand

life

, there are some amongst them who are not happy in

thier

Correct your spelling

their

personal lives. I would give

explanation

Add an article

an explanation

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

my point of view in the

comining

Correct your spelling

coming

combining

paragraphs.

Firsty

Correct your spelling

Firstly

First

, money can never buy happiness.

Eventhough

Correct your spelling

Even though

these stars have attained all the materialistic things in the world. As an

outsider

Add a comma

,outsider

show examples

we process that these individuals have the happiest

life

. Whereas, what we miss to see is

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

life

's reality that encompasses emotions

which

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

they hide behind the cameras.

For example

; Mrs Neerja

kapoor

Change the capitalization

Kapoor

show examples

one of the famous

bollywood

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Bollywood

show examples

actress

Fix the agreement mistake

actresses

show examples

who committed suicide due to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

personal problems in her luxurious

Correct your spelling

penthouse

show examples

pent house

Correct your spelling

penthouse

show examples

. Though she had everything, she was under the spell of depression. Wealth was not able to buy for her the joy and peace that

whe

Correct your spelling

would have ever wanted to overcome her pain.

Secondly

, struggles have always been a part of upcoming actors and musicians.

Thier

Correct your spelling

Their

path is never an easy one, they have enough hurdles and even have to walk out of

thier

Correct your spelling

their

comfort zone to achieve

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

success.

For instance

; casting couches is a phenomenon, which is quite famous in the entertainment sector to climb up the ladder.

This

always

leave

Change the verb form

leaves

show examples

a stigma in

thier

Correct your spelling

their

mind and they have to live with that.

However

this

is certainly not the case with children of established stars and celebrities.

Similarly

, Things

protrayed

Correct your spelling

portrayed

in the media is not real. Social media has

Correct article usage

the

show examples

power to

manipulte

Correct your spelling

manipulate

lives

Correct article usage

the lives

show examples

people

by showing something which is far from the truth. Established

people

never disclose their private

life

in public. Yet

people

are always interested to know about their personal

life

and eventually thinks that what is portrayed in the media is true. To conclude, Famous

people

Add the comma(s)

,people

show examples

are ordinary humans, who have feelings like everyone.

Hence

, they cannot be actually thought to live joyous

life

which they

portrays

Change the verb form

portray

show examples

in terms of the revenue they make from

thier

Correct your spelling

their

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

Submitted by vineethec on Sun Aug 08 2021

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

362 words

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