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Band 5

Film stars and music celebrities may earn a great deal of money and live in luxurious surroundings, but many of them lead unhappy lives. Do you agree? To what extent is this the price they pay for being famous? You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence. You should write at least 250 words.

#film #stars #music #celebrities #money #surroundings #lives #price #support #arguments #evidence
Actors and musicians who have earned fame and success are believed to enjoy glamorous
life
. Whereas, some
people
 opine that reverse is the case. As there have been
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 speculation
regarading
Correct your spelling
regarding
this
. I do
also
 think that even though money and fame
enables
Change the verb form
enable
show examples
 them to live a grand
life
, there are some amongst them who are not happy in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 personal lives. I would give
explanation
Add an article
an explanation
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 my point of view in the
comining
Correct your spelling
coming
combining
 paragraphs.
Firsty
Correct your spelling
Firstly
First
, money can never buy happiness.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 these stars have attained all the materialistic things in the world. As an
outsider
Add a comma
,outsider
show examples
 we process that these individuals have the happiest
life
. Whereas, what we miss to see is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
's reality that encompasses emotions
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 they hide behind the cameras.
For example
; Mrs Neerja
kapoor
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Kapoor
show examples
 one of the famous
bollywood
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Bollywood
show examples
actress
Fix the agreement mistake
actresses
show examples
 who committed suicide due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal problems in her luxurious
Correct your spelling
penthouse
show examples
pent house
Correct your spelling
penthouse
show examples
. Though she had everything, she was under the spell of depression. Wealth was not able to buy for her the joy and peace that
whe
Correct your spelling
we
he
 would have ever wanted to overcome her pain.
Secondly
, struggles have always been a part of upcoming actors and musicians.
Thier
Correct your spelling
Their
 path is never an easy one, they have enough hurdles and even have to walk out of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 comfort zone to achieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success.
For instance
; casting couches is a phenomenon, which is quite famous in the entertainment sector to climb up the ladder.
This
 always
leave
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leaves
show examples
 a stigma in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 mind and they have to live with that.
However
,
this
 is certainly not the case with children of established stars and celebrities. 
Similarly
, Things
protrayed
Correct your spelling
portrayed
 in the media is not real. Social media has
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 power to
manipulte
Correct your spelling
manipulate
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
show examples
 of
people
 by showing something which is far from the truth. Established
people
 never disclose their private
life
 in public. Yet
people
 are always interested to know about their personal
life
 and eventually thinks that what is portrayed in the media is true. To conclude, Famous
people
Add the comma(s)
,people
show examples
 are ordinary humans, who have feelings like everyone.
Hence
, they cannot be actually thought to live joyous
life
 which they
portrays
Change the verb form
portray
show examples
 in terms of the revenue they make from
thier
Correct your spelling
their
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
.
Submitted by vineethec on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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