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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Television injects violence in children, and programs with violent scenes should be banned. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#television #violence #children #programs #scenes
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Majority
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The majority
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 of people
belives
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believes
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 that in today's era aggression level among
kids
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 has increased mainly due to television
programs
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. I agree with the given statement to some extent ,television is considered as the primary source of entertainment
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throughout
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through out
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throughout
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 the world, with
the
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apply
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content
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 monitoring we can reduce the negative impact on the
children
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. In the following paragraph with the relevant ,reason I will illustrate the same.
First
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 and
the
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apply
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foremost, before any program is
boardcasting
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broadcasting
 on
TV
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,
media
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the media
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 industry needs to secure approval from
censor
Add an article
the censor
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 board. In case,
content
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 does not meet the
predefine
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predefined
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 guidelines it needs to be edited from the
orignal
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original
 version. Generally,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 been observed in
residentail
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residential
 society that
children
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 always try to imitate the action viewed on
entertianment
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entertainment
 channels. As school
children
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 are not
compitent
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competent
 enough to differentiate between right or wrong
therfore
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therefore
there
, they mostly
ends
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end
show examples
 up in a problem situations.
For instance
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, due to
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broadcasting
boardcasting
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the boardcasting
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 of
Word
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the Word
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 Wrestling Championship in Pune,
number
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a number
the number
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 of police
complain
Replace the word
complaints
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for
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about
of
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kids
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 were surge as
children
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 were
indugle
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indulge
indulged
 in fights replicating the fight moves and hurting their agemates.
In contrast
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 to
this
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,
voilence
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violence
 was
their
Replace the word
there
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 even before
TV
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 was invented. In the US juvenile punishment was established in
17th
Change the article
the 17th
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 century , so
TV
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not the primary source of
voilence
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violence
 among
kids
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.
In addition
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, it
is often claim
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is often claimed
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 that
children
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does
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do
show examples
 not
has
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have
show examples
appetite
Add an article
the appetite
an appetite
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 to watch
voilence
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violence
 program as they are mostly into the cartoon world. As per school authorities
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 been observed that
aggresion
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aggression
 level of
kids
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 are really high if their family
envoiornment
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environment
 is not healthy.
Altenatively
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Alternatively
 they claim that through the action
programs
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 on
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TV
Add an article
the TV
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children
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 has developed the
matrial
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martial
material
 arts skills without any mentorship. To elucidate, it is
a
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apply
show examples
high time to restrict the
voilent
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violent
prgrams
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programs
 for
children
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 as they try to copy the
content
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 what they see and hear in these
programs
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.
Furthermore
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, censor board needs to define clear guidelines and rating needs to be explained to
guardins
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guardians
guards
 so that they can
berief
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brief
kids
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 about the
content
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 and minimize the impact of
such
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programs
Use synonyms
 .
Submitted by rahulbhajji on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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