IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Television injects violence in children, and programs with violent scenes should be banned. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#television #violence #children #programs #scenes
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of people
belives
Correct your spelling
believes
show examples
 that in today's era aggression level among
kids
 has increased mainly due to television
programs
. I agree with the given statement to some extent ,television is considered as the primary source of entertainment
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
 the world, with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
content
 monitoring we can reduce the negative impact on the
children
. In the following paragraph with the relevant ,reason I will illustrate the same.
First
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foremost, before any program is
boardcasting
Correct your spelling
broadcasting
 on
TV
,
media
Add an article
the media
show examples
 industry needs to secure approval from
censor
Add an article
the censor
show examples
 board. In case,
content
 does not meet the
predefine
Correct your spelling
predefined
show examples
 guidelines it needs to be edited from the
orignal
Correct your spelling
original
 version. Generally,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 been observed in
residentail
Correct your spelling
residential
 society that
children
 always try to imitate the action viewed on
entertianment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 channels. As school
children
 are not
compitent
Correct your spelling
competent
 enough to differentiate between right or wrong
therfore
Correct your spelling
therefore
there
, they mostly
ends
Change the verb form
end
show examples
 up in a problem situations.
For instance
, due to
Correct your spelling
broadcasting
boardcasting
Correct article usage
the boardcasting
show examples
 of
Word
Correct article usage
the Word
show examples
 Wrestling Championship in Pune,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of police
complain
Replace the word
complaints
show examples
for
Change the preposition
about
of
show examples
kids
 were surge as
children
 were
indugle
Correct your spelling
indulge
indulged
 in fights replicating the fight moves and hurting their agemates.
In contrast
 to
this
,
voilence
Correct your spelling
violence
 was
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 even before
TV
 was invented. In the US juvenile punishment was established in
17th
Change the article
the 17th
show examples
 century , so
TV
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not the primary source of
voilence
Correct your spelling
violence
 among
kids
.
In addition
, it
is often claim
Change the verb form
is often claimed
show examples
 that
children
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
appetite
Add an article
the appetite
an appetite
show examples
 to watch
voilence
Correct your spelling
violence
 program as they are mostly into the cartoon world. As per school authorities
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 been observed that
aggresion
Correct your spelling
aggression
 level of
kids
 are really high if their family
envoiornment
Correct your spelling
environment
 is not healthy.
Altenatively
Correct your spelling
Alternatively
 they claim that through the action
programs
 on
TV
Add an article
the TV
show examples
children
 has developed the
matrial
Correct your spelling
martial
material
 arts skills without any mentorship. To elucidate, it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high time to restrict the
voilent
Correct your spelling
violent
prgrams
Correct your spelling
programs
 for
children
 as they try to copy the
content
 what they see and hear in these
programs
.
Furthermore
, censor board needs to define clear guidelines and rating needs to be explained to
guardins
Correct your spelling
guardians
guards
 so that they can
berief
Correct your spelling
brief
kids
 about the
content
 and minimize the impact of
such
programs
 .
Submitted by rahulbhajji on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: