IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is better to build more public parks and sports facilities in new towns rather than shopping malls. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #parks #sports #facilities #towns #malls
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In today's era, public parks,
sports
Use synonyms
 grounds, gyms, malls are equally important in order to demonstrate the quality standard of living. As far as I believe, entertainment or you call it leisure is as significant as outdoor activities/ fitness. In accordance with that I partially disagree with the statement that in the new towns, we should have more parks and playing
/
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sports
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 grounds provision compare to the shopping
facilities
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. Would like to elaborate my argument in the following passages.
To begin
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 with,
firstly
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 let's have an advantage of the parks and
sports
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facilities
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 irrespective of generation. These are basic necessities that everyone needs in their surrounding.
In addition
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, no matter young children or adults, it is equally useful as if we talk about morning/ afternoon/ evening walks,
furthermore
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, exercise , gossip
time
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, relaxation
time
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, playtime, with respect to all these aspects park is always in demand and we can not neglect it as spending a
time
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 in the park always gives pleasure. Apart from that
secondly
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, if we look at the
sports
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facilities
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that
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is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 a vital element as
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
outdoor gaming. In youth
sports
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 are in high demand as some consider it as a hobby, or a passion,
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however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 some
people
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 want to pursue
sports
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 and make it their career. For
such
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 instances, there should be
sports
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 provision where
people
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 can go and fulfil their needs.
On the other hand
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, in
this
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 fast-paced life, entertainment has an equal space.
Moreover
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, out of your busy schedules, at end of the
day
Add a comma
,day
show examples
people
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 only look for entertainment, some sort of relaxation and it can be in any form. For an instance, shopping or hanging out with your dearest nearest one or watching a movie on
big
Add an article
the big
a big
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 screen or having
a
Correct article usage
apply
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nice food in a
resturant
Correct your spelling
restaurant
 etc.
Furthermore
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, shopping malls
also
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 have positive sides that should not be overlooked. Along with
a
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apply
show examples
shopping, you can meet your friends, chill out, spend
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality
time
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, share more ideas with each other. By that means rather than just be online, you can meet
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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 face to face.
Additionally
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, nowadays, shopping malls contain many activities other than shopping.
Last
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 but not least,
people
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 can find out much essential stuff under one shelter,
that is
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 what
people
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 always look for in
this
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 busy lifestyle. To sum
up
Add a comma
,up
show examples
 with, would like to highlight that for a healthy lifestyle, many aspects are important and we can not side-line that by comparing.
For example
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, air, water and food are equally required substances,
likewise
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, would
lke
Correct your spelling
like
 to conclude by notifying that mentioned all the
facilities
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 are much needed equally.
Submitted by Dakan on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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