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Band 5

Many researches show that overeating can have negative effects and people believe that advertising of certain foods should be banned, in the same way that some countries banned advertising of cigarettes. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#show #effects #people #foods #countries #cigarettes
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of the researches proves that consuming
food
 in excessive amounts can lead to negative consequences and several individuals say that specific
food
 items should not be allowed to
broadcast
Add a missing verb
be broadcast
show examples
, like few countries
they
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 prohibited advertising cigarettes. I totally agree with
this
 as some
food
products
 and overeating,
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can cause obesity,
however
, advertising those
food
products
 should
also
 proclaim the quantity to be eaten.
Firstly
, eating
food
 in excessive proportion can cause weight gain easily.
Moreover
, obesity is the main causative factor of many cardiovascular conditions, which eventually leads to many fatal consequences.
Secondly
, certain
food
products
 which
contains
Change the verb form
contain
show examples
excessive
Add an article
an excessive
the excessive
show examples
 proportion of fats and sugars should be totally restricted from advertising. As humans have more tendency to buy and consume things
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are advertised, without knowing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fact how unhealthy they might be.
Therefore
, eating
such
 kind of
food
 not only causes obesity but can
also
 lead to cancer.
On the other hand
, like some countries prohibited advertising cigarettes, banning advertisements of
such
food
products
 is not the solution. As people can find those
food
products
 available anywhere at the market as it is been made and sold,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
,result
show examples
 they will consume it.
Hence
,
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 of
such
products
 should
also
 convey the message of the right amount of quantity to be consumed along with the side effects it will cause in the body. In conclusion, people should refrain from overeating and having junk
food
 in order to prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
morbid conditions. Apart from that, TV commercials and other means of
broadcasts
Fix the agreement mistake
broadcast
show examples
 should
also
 advertise the right proportion of the
food
 to be eaten along with its negative effects on the body.
Submitted by tokatha on

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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 2 - Example
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