Many researches show that overeating can have negative effects and people believe that advertising of certain foods should be banned, in the same way that some countries banned advertising of cigarettes. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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of the researches proves that consuming
food
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in excessive amounts can lead to negative consequences and several individuals say that specific
food
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items should not be allowed to
broadcast
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be broadcast
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, like few countries
they
Correct pronoun usage
that
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prohibited advertising cigarettes. I totally agree with
this
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as some
food
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products
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and overeating,
both
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apply
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can cause obesity,
however
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, advertising those
food
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products
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should
also
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proclaim the quantity to be eaten.
Firstly
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, eating
food
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in excessive proportion can cause weight gain easily.
Moreover
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, obesity is the main causative factor of many cardiovascular conditions, which eventually leads to many fatal consequences.
Secondly
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, certain
food
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products
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which
contains
Change the verb form
contain
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excessive
Add an article
an excessive
the excessive
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proportion of fats and sugars should be totally restricted from advertising. As humans have more tendency to buy and consume things
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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are advertised, without knowing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fact how unhealthy they might be.
Therefore
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, eating
such
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kind of
food
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not only causes obesity but can
also
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lead to cancer.
On the other hand
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, like some countries prohibited advertising cigarettes, banning advertisements of
such
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food
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products
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is not the solution. As people can find those
food
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products
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available anywhere at the market as it is been made and sold,
as a
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result
Add the comma(s)
,result
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they will consume it.
Hence
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,
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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of
such
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products
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should
also
Linking Words
convey the message of the right amount of quantity to be consumed along with the side effects it will cause in the body. In conclusion, people should refrain from overeating and having junk
food
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in order to prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
morbid conditions. Apart from that, TV commercials and other means of
broadcasts
Fix the agreement mistake
broadcast
show examples
should
also
Linking Words
advertise the right proportion of the
food
Use synonyms
to be eaten along with its negative effects on the body.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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