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Band 4.5

As well as making money, business have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?

#money #business #responsibilities
Business
 can play a vital role in modern
society
. Apart from the high profit, I agree that
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
Change the verb form
has
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have
Add the particle
tohave
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 bear a heavy social responsibility.
Business
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Businesses
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 provide working opportunities for unemployed
people
 with wisdom and creativity. It can partly solve the problem of
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 unemployment rate in
the
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apply
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society
. Meanwhile, it
provide
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provides
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 a chance for
people
 from less well-off background to get rid of poverty.
Business
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Businesses
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 require
less
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fewer
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 restrictions
of
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on
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 education
degree
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degrees
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 and family support, as long as
people
 have amazing ideas and the character of hard-working.
From
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In
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 the long run,
business
 is helpful to close the wealth
devide
Correct your spelling
divide
 between the rich and the poor in a
society
.
Business
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Businesses
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 can supply household
products
 to
people
 who live in rural
areas
 and remote
areas
, which means
Add an article
the business
a business
show examples
business
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businesses
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 can help
people
 from
poor
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a poor
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family
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families
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 to improve their living conditions.
For example
, some
areas
 are lack
of
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apply
show examples
foods
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food
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 or water because of
the
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apply
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extrem
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extreme
 weather condition or poor farming technology. At that time,
people
 could buy
products
 transported from other
areas
 to meet their basic
need
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needs
show examples
.
Business
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Businesses
show examples
 strengthen the economic tie between different
areas
 and promote the economic development of the whole
society
.
Business
 is responsible
to
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for
show examples
 the environment. Most
of
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apply
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business
Add an article
the business
show examples
 activities rely on
the
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apply
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transportation.
However
, the emissions of vehicles and planes which contain carbon dioxide are harmful to the air. It may
also
 cause
the
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apply
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global warming and many other environmental problems.
Similiarly
Correct your spelling
Similarly
, the process of producing
products
also
 generate gas and poisonous substance. As a consequence, more environment-friendly methods of transportation and manufacture should be taken.
Moreover
, there are more green
products
 have been produced
such
 as recycled
bottle
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bottles
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 and
clean energy
Add a hyphen
clean-energy
show examples
 cars to protect the environment. In conclusion, I agree that with exception of making money,
business
 is responsible
to
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for
show examples
the
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apply
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society
.
Business
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Businesses
show examples
 devote to reducing the unemployment rate, providing financial support to rural
areas
 and protecting the environment.
Submitted by 1404654525 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social responsibilities
  • contribute
  • well-being
  • community
  • philanthropy
  • sustainability
  • ethical
  • trust
  • reputation
  • accountable
  • profit-making
  • balance
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