IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

As well as making money, business have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?

#money #business #responsibilities
Business
 can play a vital role in modern
society
. Apart from the high profit, I agree that
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
undertake
Change the verb form
undertakes
show examples
 a heavy social responsibility.
Business
Add an article
The business
show examples
 provides working opportunities for unemployed
people
 with wisdom and creativity. It can partly solve the problem of
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 unemployment rate in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society
. Meanwhile,
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
 provides a chance for
people
 from less well-off
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
 to get rid of poverty.
Business
 requires
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 restrictions
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 education degree and family support, as long as
people
 have amazing ideas and the character of hard-working.
From
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the long run,
Business
 is helpful to close the wealth divide between the rich and the poor in a
society
.
Business
Fix the agreement mistake
Businesses
show examples
 can supply household products to
people
 who live in rural and remote
areas
, which means
Add an article
the business
a business
show examples
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 can help
people
 from
poor
Add an article
a poor
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 to improve their living conditions.
For example
, some
areas
 are lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 or water because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extreme weather condition and poor farming technology. At that time,
people
 could buy products transported from other
areas
 to meet their basic
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
.
Business
Fix the agreement mistake
Businesses
show examples
 strengthen the economic tie between different
areas
 and promote the economic development of the whole
society
.
Business
 is responsible
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the environment. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
 activities rely on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
transportation.
However
, the emissions of vehicles and planes which contain carbon dioxide are harmful to the air. It may
also
 cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming and many other environmental problems.
Similarly
, the process of producing production can
also
 generate poisonous gas and substance. More environment-friendly methods of transportation and manufacture should be taken.
Moreover
, there are more green products have been produced
such
 as recycled
bottle
Fix the agreement mistake
bottles
show examples
 and
clean energy
Add a hyphen
clean-energy
show examples
 cars to protect the environment. In conclusion, I agree that with exception of making money,
business
 is responsible
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
Business
Fix the agreement mistake
Businesses
show examples
 devote to reducing the unemployment rate, providing financial support to rural
areas
 and protecting the environment.
Submitted by 1404654525 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social responsibilities
  • contribute
  • well-being
  • community
  • philanthropy
  • sustainability
  • ethical
  • trust
  • reputation
  • accountable
  • profit-making
  • balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: