IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many think that today organisations
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to give more job opportunities for
youth
Use synonyms
 because of the generations once they reach old they have less efficiency of
work
Use synonyms
 to reach
company
Use synonyms
's goals .
However
Linking Words
, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe senior
people
Use synonyms
 have more experience in decision making which is the most important factor in every
firm
Use synonyms
.In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss the benefits and positive outcomes of hiring higher officials in today's companies.
Firstly
Linking Words
, presently senior
people
Use synonyms
 are working for a
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 position, in
specific
Add an article
a specific
show examples
company
Use synonyms
 for many years as they have knowledge in a particular project of the organisation because they can make
decision
Add an article
a decision
the decision
show examples
 regarding the
work
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 can be beneficial for younger officials who hired newly in a
firm
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
Add a hyphen
senior-level
show examples
senior
Add an article
the senior
show examples
 level officer always knows the inputs and gives advice regarding the assignment of
Use synonyms
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,most of the training and workshops are given by experienced
staff
Use synonyms
 who are 55 years and up.
However
Linking Words
, juniors can learn different concepts from senior
staff
Use synonyms
 and implement them in the project output.
For example
Linking Words
, to overcome situations of
deadline
Add an article
the deadline
a deadline
show examples
 of project works newly hired
staff
Use synonyms
 can get
piece
Add an article
a piece
show examples
 of advice from older
staff
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, today some companies are hiring older
people
Use synonyms
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they are well known and familiar
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
work
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can be benefited to the organisation and
staff
Use synonyms
 who are newly hired as they know better in understanding and implementation of
work
Use synonyms
 in meeting
company
Use synonyms
 requirements.
Neverthless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
,some others opine that higher
officals
Correct your spelling
officials
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to retire after the retirement age to enjoy the
company
Use synonyms
 benefits and encourage younger ones because they help to meet organisational goals.
However
Linking Words
,many colleges are offering courses for the
youth
Use synonyms
 to build their resume and building skills to
work
Use synonyms
 in the
firm
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
youth
Use synonyms
 believe that senior
staff
Use synonyms
 are meant for decision making as
youth
Use synonyms
 are more efficient in
work
Use synonyms
 management skills because most of the departments in the
firm
Use synonyms
 are sales, human resource and marketing
staff
Use synonyms
 in which companies are hiring new graduates to make more profits. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
 generation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 less capacity in
work
Use synonyms
 efficiency
comparatively
Replace the word
compared
show examples
 with
youth
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that senior
people
Use synonyms
 are well knowledgable,valuable and inspirational persons in taking key roles and responsibilities of a
company
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: