IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #e #g #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #jobs
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often arguing that celebrities earn huge
money
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 against their performance. No doubt, successful artists, earn hefty
money
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. I agree they have the right to earn the
money
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 against their performance. To become a
sucessful
Correct your spelling
successful
 artist, it is very hard
work
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 to practise to gain the artistry. I trust that some having
skill
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 for singing, painting or acting, it is not only interest of respective
work
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,
it is
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but it is also
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 hard
work
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 to reach that confidence to gain the talent, where they can perform their
skill
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 in
from
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form
show examples
 of audiences.
Some times
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Sometimes
show examples
, they spend most of
years
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the years
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 of
life
Correct pronoun usage
their life
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 span in practice and to get
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skill
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the skill
a skill
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. Most of
luck
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the luck
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also
Linking Words
work
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 to take
attention
Correct article usage
the attention
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 of the people. When your
skill
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 and
recogination
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recognition
resignation
accepted
Add a missing verb
are accepted
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 by the public,
then
Linking Words
 they get fame. There is
struggling
Correct article usage
a struggling
show examples
jouney
Correct your spelling
journey
.
Further
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 Entertainers always struggle continuously to upgrade their
performace
Correct your spelling
performance
 so that they can win hearts of their followers. If they fail to
public
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the public
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 will erase them from the
momeries
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memories
. Career risk
is always remail
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is always remailed
is always remailing
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 high,
Hence
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 I believe that
their
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there
show examples
 is no harm if they earn well to save their earning for future life. No doubt
Celebraties
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Celebrities
 paid
paid
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apply
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tax to
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 and tax
money
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 utilised for development
work
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. I trust that teacher should be
highly
Correct article usage
a highly
show examples
 paid job. Good teachers are
foundation
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the foundation
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 of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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scoiety
Correct your spelling
society
. Teachers
buid
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build
 future of
nation
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the nation
a nation
show examples
. It is
much
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many
show examples
dificult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 works to create intectulationation in the person. I believe that it is much harder mental
work
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.
For example
Linking Words
,
Many
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 students in the class, every student have different
different
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
capacity to understand and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 but good teacher control and help them to make understand on respective goal. In the conclusion, Where
celebraties
Correct your spelling
celebrities
 earns well and entertain the people. Teachers should be paid
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 since only they have
talent
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the talent
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 to find the forbidden
skill
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 of
Add an article
the child
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child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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, encourage them and lead to perfection.
Submitted by Gurmit on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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