IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that having a set retirement age for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

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Retirement
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age
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 is the time when
people
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 will be free from their professional responsibilities and take care of themself. Some
people
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 believe that having the same
retirement
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age
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 for every profession is an injustice. Indeed, the
retirement
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age
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 would be set according to
job
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 type ,not on the
basis
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 of a person’s
age
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. In
this
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 ,
an
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apply
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essay I will discuss why I disagree with the universal
retirement
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age
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 and will discuss why it should be decided on the
basis
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 of individual’s mental and physical
health
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 required to perform the
job
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. The main reason why
people
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 think that the
proffetional
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professional
 exit
age
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 should be decided on the
basis
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 of physical
helth
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health
because
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is because
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few
Correct article usage
a few
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jobs’s
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jobs’
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 roles and
responsibilites
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responsibilities
 include physical fitness.
For example
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,
security
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the security
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 guard could not perform his
duities
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duties
 well if he is suffering from some
phisical
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physical
 illness as he could not able to run behind the bugler if any
buglerry
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burglary
 happened in the society or
orgnaization
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organization
organisation
.
As a
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result
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,result
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people
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 will not safe at their
home
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homes
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/apartments if their
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guards
show examples
guard
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isguard
wasguard
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 not capable to protect them. So that It is
mendatory
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mandatory
 to retire the person on the
basis
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 of their
health
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 required to perform the
job
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not
Add the comma(s)
,not
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 on the
basis
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on
Change preposition
of
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 the
age
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.
Additionally
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, along with
phisical
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physical
helth
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health
 mental help should
also
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 be evaluated for
retirement
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.
This
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 is simply because older
people
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’s
grassping
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grasping
 power is low and technology is changing every day and most of the work demand updated technologies.
For instance
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, most of the IT
compnines
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companies
 work on
latest
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the latest
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 languages and
tool
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tools
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 to compete with
world
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the world
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 and
these
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this lauguagea
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lauguagea
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languages
language
 and
toold
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tools
 are far different from the older languages and tools. So, to learn and build
project
Correct article usage
a project
show examples
 with tools require good grasping power which
a
Correct article usage
apply
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older
people
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 doesn’t have. It not only
impact’s
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impacts
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 company’s performance but
also
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 elder
people
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’s mental
health
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.
Therefore
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, It would be good
consider
Fix the infinitive
to consider
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 mental
heallth
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health
 as a measure while deciding
retirement
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age
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. In conclusion,
although
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 having a set
retirement
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 would be
benificial
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beneficial
 for some
people
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 it would be decided on the
baisis
Correct your spelling
basis
 of some measures including their physical and mental
health
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 required to perform the
job
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.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • unfair
  • pension
  • occupation
  • workers
  • physically demanding jobs
  • professions
  • stress
  • responsibility
  • long years of service
  • excellent contributions
  • eligibility
  • individual circumstances
  • case-by-case basis
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