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Band 4.5

Many of the products we buy nowadays break or wear out very quickly. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this for manufacturers and the public?

#products #manufacturers
Consumerism has
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
been increasing at an alarming rate all around the globe over the past few years. People tend to purchase novelty items in a bid to satisfy their daily necessities; most of the commodities
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
lasting
Wrong verb form
last
show examples
 longer on account of the quality of the material
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
used in their manufacturing.
This
 essay will make an attempt to point out the pros of
this
 phenomenon before
outlined
Wrong verb form
outlining
show examples
 the cons.
To begin
 with, the most prominent benefit of
this
 is
one
 can have an opportunity to buy the fresh product; some folks especially in my homeland are reluctant to spend on new purchases unless the old
one
 is worn out in response to
saves
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
 more money.
For instance
, here, I would like to share an incident from my personal life when I was pursuing my graduation and I requested my father to buy a new phone for me, but he refused my request by saying that you are not allowed to buy the fresh
one
 unless you own the old
one
. Alongside, toddlers would be happy when they get a chance to buy new toys as the former ones are broken. On the other side, the first drawback of
this
 trend is it inflates extravagant expenditures and financial burdens on
parents
; the
parents
 have to spend more money to replace the broken
one
 to make their child happy, even some
parents
have
Rephrase
even have
show examples
 to go out of their budget to purchase a new piece , thereby,
this
 trend pushes
parents
 to face more monetary problems. Apart from that, default manufacturing items could ruin the reputation of the firm; the populace stops believing in the company anymore by dint of the short life span of the commodities produced by the company.
To conclude
then
, the disadvantage of
this
 phenomenon has outweighed the advantages. Undoubtedly, the short life span of a product gives a chance to someone to buy a newer
one
, but it would imbalance financial budget and deter the prestige and reputation of a firm.
Submitted by parneet.k876 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. It needs to follow a more coherent structure to present ideas effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides some relevant points but needs to demonstrate a clearer understanding of the task and adequately support ideas with specific examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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