In the modern world, people no longer need to use food or products from animals, such as medicine and clothing. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays,
people
are
aware
Correct quantifier usage
more aware
show examples
of animal rights than in the past year. Some believe that the products from
animals
are no
Verb problem
do not
show examples
need to be made for the sake of human benefits, for clothes
as well as
food.
This
essay agrees with
this
viewpoint and provides compelling reasons
as well as
examples before the conclusion is reached. The fundamental reason for
this
is that
animals
have their own right to happily survive with no pain.
Therefore
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
is no valid reason to find the benefits from them by taking them to be done in scientific research.
Additionally
, the over-consumption of
animals
will
attribute
Verb problem
contribute
show examples
to certain health conditions, including cancer and heart disease. Experts suggest that
people
, facing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it, need to change their diet so that they can enjoy better health in life.
Hence
,
this
is supported
Wrong verb form
supports
show examples
the idea that
people
nowadays forbid consuming animal food.
Furthermore
, there is an alternative medication, which is not required to test on
animals
and that can
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
well to cure the patient as
efficient
Change the word
efficiently
show examples
as those of
animals
such
as plant-based medicine.
As a result
, these aid medical practitioners have various ways to alleviate the patient in order to choose medicine, based on
animals
.
In addition
, some clothing industries have enormous types of fabric so that the animal’s fur is unnecessary to
be produced
Wrong verb form
produce
show examples
.
Moreover
, both artificial and plant materials are far more comfortable to put on rather than those of
animals
. In conclusion, it is undeniable that there are various artificial routes in order to be subjected
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
human
whatever
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
fields, which some provide more efficient than animal ways.
Therefore
, I personally believe that in the future,
people
will no longer use animal products in any area of interest.
Submitted by palmynawa on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by ensuring smoother transitions between ideas. Connect paragraphs clearly to the main argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This can help strengthen your points and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Work on expanding and clarifying the ideas presented in each paragraph. This will help to develop a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, making the structure easy to follow.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides reasons for the viewpoint, which is key for task achievement.
task achievement
The essay attempts to use varied vocabulary and sentence structures, which is commendable.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable
  • ethical alternatives
  • global demand
  • genetic engineering
  • synthetic biology
  • plant-based diets
  • environmental footprint
  • veganism
  • biotechnology
  • cultural sensitivity
  • economic viability
  • lab-grown meat
  • synthetic materials
  • global infrastructure
  • consumer habits
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