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Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries people’s weight has significantly increased while their levels of health have decreased. What do you think may be the causes of this problem and what solutions can you suggest solving them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

#countries #people’s #weight #levels #health #minutes
Obesity
 is a
health
 condition in which accumulated body fat negatively affects a person's physical well-being and leads to more serious
health
 disorders including high blood pressure and diabetes,
as a result
, it has been found to decrease life expectancy. Worldwide, there has been an increase in the number of people who are overweight, rising concern amongst the governments and
health
 authorities.
This
 essay will explore
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 and potential solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 problem. Poor dietary choices and improper
food
 consumption habits are believed to be contributing to the increasing levels of
obesity
 and its resultants. As more people lead a busy and hectic lifestyle, they face difficulties allocating adequate amounts of time to prepare healthy and nutritious meals.
therefore
, they are becoming heavily reliant on
consumption
Add an article
the consumption
show examples
 of energy-dense fast foods and sweetened beverages like soft drinks, which are offered at affordable costs and are easily accessible.
This
 widespread availability and consumption of junk
food
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been regarded as the main reason behind
obesity
 and related
health
 issues. Imposing
tax
Add an article
a tax
show examples
 on fast
food
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is an effective way that the government can intervene and thereby reduce the use of fast
food
, as a higher price can deter the person from buying these foods.
in addition
, certain medications can be used to minimize appetite or decrease fat absorption.
Furthermore
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
surgery can be performed to reduce the volume of
stomach
Add an article
the stomach
show examples
 that can result in feeling full earlier or decrease the ability to absorb excess amount fat from
food
 intake. In conclusion, I am convinced that
although
obesity
 is a cause of premature death, it is completely preventable. by changing our dietary habits and eating healthy
food
, we can avoid
obesity
 and lead
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 life.
Submitted by poryamo on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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