IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries people’s weight has significantly increased while their levels of health have decreased. What do you think may be the causes of this problem and what solutions can you suggest solving them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #people’s #weight #levels #health
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Obesity
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 is a
health
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 condition in which accumulated body fat negatively affects a person's physical well-being and leads to more serious
health
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 disorders including high blood pressure and diabetes,
as a result
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, it has been found to decrease life expectancy. Worldwide, there has been an increase in the number of people who are overweight, rising concern amongst the governments and
health
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 authorities.
This
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 essay will explore
reasons
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the reasons
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 and potential solutions
of
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to
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this
Linking Words
 problem. Poor dietary choices and improper
food
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 consumption habits are believed to be contributing to the increasing levels of
obesity
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 and its resultants. As more people lead a busy and hectic lifestyle, they face difficulties allocating adequate amounts of time to prepare healthy and nutritious meals.
therefore
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, they are becoming heavily reliant on
consumption
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the consumption
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 of energy-dense fast foods and sweetened beverages like soft drinks, which are offered at affordable costs and are easily accessible.
This
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 widespread availability and consumption of junk
food
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has
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have
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 been regarded as the main reason behind
obesity
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 and related
health
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 issues. Imposing
tax
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a tax
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 on fast
food
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,
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apply
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 is an effective way that the government can intervene and thereby reduce the use of fast
food
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, as a higher price can deter the person from buying these foods.
in addition
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, certain medications can be used to minimize appetite or decrease fat absorption.
Furthermore
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,
a
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apply
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surgery can be performed to reduce the volume of
stomach
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the stomach
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 that can result in feeling full earlier or decrease the ability to absorb excess amount fat from
food
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 intake. In conclusion, I am convinced that
although
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obesity
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 is a cause of premature death, it is completely preventable. by changing our dietary habits and eating healthy
food
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, we can avoid
obesity
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 and lead
healthy
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a healthy
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 life.
Submitted by poryamo on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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