At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages and disadvantages.

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In the present
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
it is occurring
this
Linking Words
phenomenon. The number of elderly persons is higher than young adults. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
this
Linking Words
situation is bringing more disadvantages than advantages. Analyzing consequences in
global
Add an article
the global
a global
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economy
Use synonyms
, jobs, as well as in
health
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and its administration, we can support
this
Linking Words
idea. Starting
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
the global
economy
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and jobs, we can look that older
people
Use synonyms
have many
spends
Replace the word
spending
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that they can't afford with their income as retired.
As a result
Linking Words
, the government must give them a
few
Correct quantifier usage
little
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helps
Change the wording
bits of help
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
support comes from the tax which
are
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is
show examples
paid by the actives workers, young adults. If young
people
Use synonyms
are less than older
people
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
will create a unbalance, affecting the
economy
Use synonyms
. Another important point is the
health
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, as well as the situation for the cost of living, the cost of
health
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's retired persons, will
increased
Change the verb form
increase
be increased
show examples
if
this
Linking Words
part of the population growth.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if the young adults, active workers are less
then
Linking Words
, the government must support the
health
Use synonyms
of
this
Linking Words
retired population affecting the balance in the
economy
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. In conclusion, the
economy
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in general needs a balance between active and retired workers
for
Change preposition
to
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be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
balanced. If there is a larger number of older
people
Use synonyms
than adult young, there will be too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
disadvantages.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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