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Band 2.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages and disadvantages.

#time #population #countries #adults #people
In the present
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 it is occurring
this
 phenomenon. The number of elderly persons is higher than young adults. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
this
 situation is bringing more disadvantages than advantages. Analyzing consequences in
global
Add an article
the global
a global
show examples
economy
, jobs, as well as in
health
 and its administration, we can support
this
 idea. Starting
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the global
economy
 and jobs, we can look that older
people
 have many
spends
Replace the word
spending
show examples
 that they can't afford with their income as retired.
As a result
, the government must give them a
few
Correct quantifier usage
little
show examples
helps
Change the wording
bits of help
show examples
.
This
 support comes from the tax which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 paid by the actives workers, young adults. If young
people
 are less than older
people
,
this
 will create a unbalance, affecting the
economy
. Another important point is the
health
, as well as the situation for the cost of living, the cost of
health
's retired persons, will
increased
Change the verb form
increase
be increased
show examples
 if
this
 part of the population growth.
Moreover
, if the young adults, active workers are less
then
, the government must support the
health
 of
this
 retired population affecting the balance in the
economy
. In conclusion, the
economy
 in general needs a balance between active and retired workers
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 balanced. If there is a larger number of older
people
 than adult young, there will be too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 disadvantages.
Submitted by ja.rios903 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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