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Band 6

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions
People have many different views about the youth make their own decisions about every
matters
Change to a singular noun
matter
show examples
 of their life that lead a society of individuals who just
care
 of their demand. While some argue that
children
 should have the right to decide what things will influence them, I believe that it is essential for
children
 to make their own choices in life with
supporting
Replace the word
support
show examples
 from their
parents
. On the one hand,
children
 will become selfish people who just
care
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 what they want or they like. As the
kids
 did not receive the instruction from adults to teach them how to share their toys or food with others.
Furthermore
,
parents
 should guide their
kids
 to be more generous or
care
 about poor people.
For instance
,
children
 can choose what fruits they want for dessert, but
parents
 should teach them
share
Add the particle
to share
show examples
 their food with other
kids
.
On the other hand
, when
children
 make their own decisions about matters around them that help
kids
 to be more independent. The youth will be proud of themselves because they have the right to choose or reject things that might not be suitable for them.
Moreover
,
children
 will learn how to be responsible for their own choices. To give an example,
children
 choose a kind of
fruits
Fix the agreement mistake
fruit
show examples
 that looks good but when
kids
 try it, they do not like it. At
this
 time,
children
 have to eat
this
 fruit because of not wasting food. In conclusion, it is important for
children
 to make their own decisions in their
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 and
parents
 should support them to take responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
choices
 or how to share and
care
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 others.
Submitted by hothimyhoa26 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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