IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In many countries, paying for the things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#countries #phone #cellphone #apps #development
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The development of technology
such
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 as
smartphone
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smartphones
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 and
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 has
signifiacntly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 changed people life. Nowadays,
use
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 of
Internet
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 banking that
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use
Change the verb form
uses
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 only
mobilephone
Correct your spelling
mobile phone
 and irrespective of physical cash
are
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is
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 popular in many
country
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countries
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, are becoming more common. From my point of view,
although
Linking Words
Internet
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 banking
make
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makes
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 people life more convenient, It can be more easily affected by a number of factors. On the one hand, one of
advantages
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the advantages
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 of using mobile banking is that
Use synonyms
use
Correct article usage
the use
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 of money via
mobilephone
Correct your spelling
mobile phone
, which only a program and
internet
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 is needed, is easy to approach.
User
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The user
A user
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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internet
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 banking can spend their money in any currency they want to, without exchanging.
Moreover
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, they can perform the expenditure regardless of distance and latency, so they can pay their debt to
debtor
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a debtor
the debtor
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 who is so far within a
second
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.
On the other hand
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, there are so many obvious drawbacks of using mobile banking.
Firstly
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, as
a
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the
show examples
other program
Change the wording
another program
other programs
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, the program needs
battery
Correct article usage
a battery
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 and
internet
Use synonyms
 to perform
application
Add an article
the application
show examples
. If
Correct article usage
the user
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user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
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want
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wants
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 to
use
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 the application in the area
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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internet
Use synonyms
 is lack, or in the situation that all batteries are drained out, the expenditure is impossible. To summarize, it is true to say that using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
internet
Use synonyms
 banking may offer more convenient life options, but it is impossible to
use
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 if only one factor is not ready.
Submitted by thanathon.anmd on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • safety
  • security
  • time-saving
  • cashless transactions
  • dependence on technology
  • privacy concerns
  • accessibility issues
  • financial vulnerability
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