IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays children watch lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #tv #video #games #people #activities #child’s #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today’s world,
children
Use synonyms
 spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 watching
TV
Use synonyms
 and playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
. Some people believe that these
activities
Use synonyms
 have a negative impact on a child’s mental health.
While
Linking Words
 there may be some truth to
this
Linking Words
 opinion, I believe the situation is more complicated and depends on how much
time
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 spend on these
activities
Use synonyms
 and the content they are exposed to.
First,
Linking Words
excessive screen
time
Use synonyms
 can lead to several problems. If
children
Use synonyms
 spend too many hours watching
TV
Use synonyms
 or playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
, they might become inactive, which can affect their physical health. Lack of exercise and poor posture can cause problems like obesity or back pain.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, too much screen
time
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 affect sleep patterns, leading to tiredness and irritability.
However
Linking Words
, it is important to note that not all
TV
Use synonyms
 shows and
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are harmful. Educational programs and
games
Use synonyms
 can actually support
children
Use synonyms
’s development.
For example
Linking Words
, certain
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 improve problem-solving skills,
while
Linking Words
 some
TV
Use synonyms
 programs can teach
children
Use synonyms
 about science, history, or important values. If
children
Use synonyms
 use these
activities
Use synonyms
 in moderation and choose content wisely, these experiences can be beneficial for their learning. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 watching
TV
Use synonyms
 and playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 may have negative effects on
children
Use synonyms
’s mental and physical health if done excessively, it is not inherently harmful. The key is moderation and selecting appropriate content that can support a child’s development. Parents should help
children
Use synonyms
 manage their screen
time
Use synonyms
 and ensure that they have a balance of
activities
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by muzun0612 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To boost your score in relevant and specific examples, consider providing more detailed instances or studies illustrating the impact of TV and video games on child development.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically flows from one to another by using a variety of linking words and phrases, although your current logical structure and flow are already strong.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear, balanced argument, considering both sides of the topic effectively.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which aids in the reader's understanding.
coherence cohesion
Supported main points are consistently aligned with the central argument, offering insightful perspectives on the topic.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: