IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In some countries, young people are living in richer and healthier condition but less happy. What are the reasons? What might be done to solve this issue?

#countries #people #condition
The young generation is highly influenced by modern technology which makes their
life
 more difficult. There is no denying that the younger generation around the world is sad, despite living a luxurious lifestyle. Let us discuss the reasons and solutions to
this
 problem in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with,
Firstly
, busy work or
life
 schedule of the
parents
 or family members can be the main reason for the unhappiness. In most rich families, the
parents
 can not focus on their children because of the busy work schedule.
This
also
 leads to depression, as at a young age
child
 needs
parents
 guidance, attention and love to deal with world problems.
Secondly
, technology has replaced family
time
 with social media. These days, youngsters spend most of their useful
time
 on social networking, which can misguide them, and lead to sorrow.
Furthermore
, to solve the issue of dejection, schools and
parents
 should pay full attention to the
child
.
Parents
 should take out certain hours from work and spend that
time
 with their children and listen to them. They should
also
 limit the use of phones and other devices at home. In schools, knowledge regarding depression, cyber safety, and the right use of
time
 should be provided.
This
 will not only help young students to tackle difficulties but
also
 will make their
life
 happy and easy. In conclusion, the young people who live in luxurious and disease-free lifestyles are unhappy because of a number of reasons which could be limitless use and influence of technology on the
child
 or less attention from family, but the schools and the
parents
 should focus on the young
child
 to make
child
's
life
 happier.
Submitted by Nishi Rana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: