IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, young people are living in richer and healthier condition but less happy. What are the reasons? What might be done to solve this issue?

The young generation is highly influenced by modern technology
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 makes their
life
Use synonyms
 more difficult. There is no denying that the younger generation around the world is sad, despite living a luxurious lifestyle. Let us discuss the reasons and solutions to
this
Linking Words
 problem in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Linking Words
Firstly
Fix capitalization
firstly
show examples
,
busy
Correct article usage
a busy
show examples
 work or
life
Use synonyms
 schedule of the
parents
Use synonyms
 or family members can be the main reason for the unhappiness. In most rich families, the
parents
Use synonyms
 can not focus on their children because of
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 busy work
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 leads to depression, as
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a young
age
Check wording
apply
show examples
child
Use synonyms
 needs
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 guidance, attention and love to deal with world problems.
Secondly
Linking Words
, technology has replaced family
time
Use synonyms
 with social media. These days, youngsters spend most of their
useful
Correct word choice
free
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 on social networking, which can misguide them
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and lead to sorrow.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, to solve the issue of
dejection
Check wording
depression
show examples
, schools and
parents
Use synonyms
 should pay full attention to the
child
Use synonyms
.
Parents
Use synonyms
 should take out certain hours from work and spend that
time
Use synonyms
 with their children
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 listen to them. They should
also
Linking Words
 limit the use of phones and other devices at home. In schools, knowledge regarding depression, cyber safety, and the right use of
time
Use synonyms
 should be provided.
This
Linking Words
 will not only help young students
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
tackle difficulties but
also
Linking Words
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
make their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 happy and easy. In conclusion, the young people who live in luxurious and disease-free lifestyles are unhappy because of a number of reasons
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 could be limitless use and influence of technology on the
child
Use synonyms
 or less attention from family, but the schools and the
parents
Use synonyms
 should focus on the young
child
Use synonyms
 to make
Use synonyms
child's
Correct article usage
the child's
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 happier.

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structure
Make sure each paragraph has one clear idea and a simple plan: cause, effect, then fix.
coherence
Use linking words to connect ideas well, but avoid repeating the same words. Use clear connections between sentences.
content
Give more clear examples or steps. Say exactly what parents or schools can do, with small, real actions.
language
Check grammar and form. Use simple tense and simple sentence. Avoid long, tangled sentences.
language
Keep a formal tone and a steady voice throughout the essay.
content
The essay tries to answer both parts of the task.
structure
There is a plan and a basic order in the writing.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Materialism
  • Consumerism
  • Social isolation
  • Technological advancement
  • Face-to-face interactions
  • Mindfulness
  • Stress management
  • Resilience
  • Mental health
  • Well-being
  • Competitive world
  • Expectations
  • Pressure
  • Balanced lifestyle
  • Leisure activities
What to do next:
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