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Band 4.5

The most important thing about a job is how much money you earn in that job. Do you agree or disagree?

#job #money
A vast majority of our adult life is spent working;
hence
 it is important that we have an appropriate
job
 that fulfils our aspirations. While financial remuneration is an important factor that attracts individuals towards a specific
work
, there are other factors of equal significance that make a
job
 ideal.
Firstly
, the importance of financial security cannot be undermined in the modern materialistic world. Since a vast majority of people earn their livelihood from their workplace, it will be difficult for individuals with
single
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a single
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 source of income, to make their ends meet, from underpaying jobs.
Thus
 underpaid employees, because of their financial burdens, may not be able to offer dedication and commitment at
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
, which in turn results in under-performance.
Secondly
, the educated refrain from being employed in underpaying jobs, as these are less attractive.
Hence
 the remuneration associated
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is an important factor that determines the value of a particular
job
.
On the other hand
, to glorify higher earning as the sole determiner of an ideal
job
 is incorrect.
This
 is because various other factors like
work
 and life balance; working place culture and adequate recognition
contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
 towards satisfaction and contentment in
work
.
Thus
 an astronomically
higher paying
Add a hyphen
higher-paying
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job
 with a demanding employer, with poor social life in a tedious
Correct your spelling
workplace
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work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 environment will lead to higher
job
 dissatisfaction, which in turn will
also
 promote higher attrition. Henceforth, it can be stated that apart from financial remuneration, which is a major determiner of a good occupation,
job
 satisfaction is
also
 an equally important associated factor that determines the value of a specific
job
.

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    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 2 - Example
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