Children obesity is an increasing problem in Australia .As many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students seat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is
agured
Correct your spelling
argued
agreed
that two out of
third
Australian
children
face a big problem about overweight.
Weight
monitoring and workout activities are been a responsibility
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
. I completely agree with
this
opinion and think It is a
directly
Change the adverb
direct
show examples
responsibility of
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
to look after any
children
by monitor their
weight
and control
calories
intake
.
First
of all, exercise is the most important
role
to control
weight
loss
situation. Schools should plan or have
a classes
Correct the article-noun agreement
classes
a class
show examples
to work out. Nowadays
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
children
spend time more than 8 hours in their
school
for 5 days. It is almost 50% of their time per day. The exercise classes can promote their motivation
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
burn
calories
especially the
school
give a special point if they can do it.
On the other hand
, it is better if they have a friend to try
weight
loss
together.
Second
of all,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
calories
intake
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the
second
important
role
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
weight
loss
conditions. The
calories
intake
should balance with their activities or
calories
outtake.
Add an article
A nutritionist
The nutritionist
show examples
Nutritionist
Fix the agreement mistake
Nutritionists
show examples
should calculate the optimal
calories
intake
balanced with their lifestyle. While
school
should cook the ideal food for
children
health.
Lastly
,
diseases
are important factors to change them that become fat. Many
diseases
interfere
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
metabolism, digestion, and absorption processes. Routine health
check
Fix the agreement mistake
checks
show examples
for
role
other
diseases
out should be performed in
children
with obesity. Nowadays many reports have been published about
diseases
that make obesity person
such
as hormonal disturbance and gastrointestinal disorder.
However
, all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Add an article
the children
show examples
that overweight should be examined by
doctor
Add an article
a doctor
the doctor
show examples
and/or nutritionist. In conclusion, the
school
is an important
role
to monitor
children
weight
and promote
weight
loss
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
correct way. Balancing between
calories
outtake and
intake
are a point to .. for
dieter
Add an article
the dieter
a dieter
show examples
, as well as ,
role
out other
diseases
that become the pig problem about their
weight
.
Submitted by ploypanut on

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    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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