Children obesity is an increasing problem in Australia .As many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students seat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is

agured

Correct your spelling

argued

agreed

that two out of

third

Australian

children

face a big problem about overweight.

Weight

monitoring and workout activities are been a responsibility

by

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of

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school

Add an article

the school

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. I completely agree with

this

opinion and think It is a

directly

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direct

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responsibility of

school

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the school

show examples

to look after any

children

by monitor their

weight

and control

calories

intake

.

First

of all, exercise is the most important

role

to control

weight

loss

situation. Schools should plan or have

a classes

Correct the article-noun agreement

classes

a class

show examples

to work out. Nowadays

the

Correct article usage

apply

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most

children

spend time more than 8 hours in their

school

for 5 days. It is almost 50% of their time per day. The exercise classes can promote their motivation

for

Change preposition

to

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burn

calories

especially the

school

give a special point if they can do it.

On the other hand

, it is better if they have a friend to try

weight

loss

together.

Second

of all,

the

Correct article usage

apply

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calories

intake

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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is the

second

important

role

to

Change preposition

in

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weight

loss

conditions. The

calories

intake

should balance with their activities or

calories

outtake.

Add an article

A nutritionist

The nutritionist

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Nutritionist

Fix the agreement mistake

Nutritionists

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should calculate the optimal

calories

intake

balanced with their lifestyle. While

school

should cook the ideal food for

children

health.

Lastly

,

diseases

are important factors to change them that become fat. Many

diseases

interfere

the

Change preposition

with the

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metabolism, digestion, and absorption processes. Routine health

check

Fix the agreement mistake

checks

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for

role

other

diseases

out should be performed in

children

with obesity. Nowadays many reports have been published about

diseases

that make obesity person

such

as hormonal disturbance and gastrointestinal disorder.

However

, all

of

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apply

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children

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the children

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that overweight should be examined by

doctor

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a doctor

the doctor

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and/or nutritionist. In conclusion, the

school

is an important

role

to monitor

children

weight

and promote

weight

loss

as

Change preposition

in

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a

Correct article usage

the

show examples

correct way. Balancing between

calories

outtake and

intake

are a point to .. for

dieter

Add an article

the dieter

a dieter

show examples

, as well as ,

role

out other

diseases

that become the pig problem about their

weight

.