IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Psychological illnesses may not be as obvious as physical disabilities or illnesses. Nevertheless they are just as disabling in their own ways. Society, however, is more accepting of those with physical than psychological illnesses or disabilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#illnesses #disabilities #society
In the modern world, with the
emerge
Change the form of the verb
emerging
show examples
 of new technologies in the medical field it has become easier to diagnose and treat mental
illnesses
.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 a large number of the population disagree with the idea of mental health being a disease that could render people disable.
Hence
 they are more accepting of physical
illnesses
. I strongly agree that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
psychological
illnesses
 are ignored despite,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the advancements in both education and technology.
Firstly
 there
still
Add a missing verb
are still
show examples
 a lot of instances, a lot of people don't seek help, while they are going through hard times. Mostly because they think they will
looked
Change the verb form
look
show examples
 down upon.
Therefore
 suffer in silence.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 suicide rates are increasing day by day, probably because
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 issues were not addressed and they did get the necessary help.
In addition
 to not being able to ask for help, a lot of job opportunities are
also
 lost due to the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 employers are not accepting mental health leaves, they don't consider it as a disease so cannot call in sick. which in turn causes the employee to decline productivity at work, making mistakes and decrease
in efficiency
Correct your spelling
inefficiency
show examples
. In conclusion, physical
illnesses
 are easy to diagnose as they manifest physically
out wards
Correct your spelling
outwards
show examples
,
hence
 it is accepted widely.
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
 psychological
illnesses
 are still a myth or a taboo topic in most cultures.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 with all the challenges faced by the patients with psychological
illnesses
Add a comma
,illnesses
show examples
 they still continue to thrive in the community.
Submitted by f.lamiea on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: