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Band 6

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

#students #study #art #music #school #support
Engaging with
arts
 and
music
 is essential to the human experience.
While
 some people argue that
arts
 and
music
education
 ought to be a part of the secondary school system others deny it. In
this
 essay , I will discuss, why I believe that
arts
 and
music
 in junior grade are related to behaviours that contribute to the health of civil society. An important point to consider is that
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 educational experience has a positive impact on academics. There
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been promising outcomes in maths and reading scores of students entitled
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 art classes. A recent survey in a school in Leeds,
for instance
, revealed that students engaged in art
education
 agreed that schoolwork is more enjoyable, makes them think in new ways and activities keep them interested in school. Because schools play a pivotal role in cultivating the next generation , it is imperative to reflect on the fundamentals of the well-rounded
education
 system which includes
arts
 and
music
 as well. Adding to
this
, another benefit of
arts
 and
music
 is emotional stability. It is advisable for teachers to instil
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 love of
music
 and
encouragement of
Replace the word
encourage them to
show examples
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 an instrument. An appreciation of
music
 specifically classical requires greater mental engagement and patience than any other skill. In an era of shorter attention spans and immediate gratification , a love of complex melodies can serve as a counterbalance. The benefits of playing an instrument are self-evident. Decades of substantial research support the claim that it aids in cognitive development generally and one's creativity more specifically.
This
 is apart from the discipline one must develop through years of intensive practice.
To conclude
, though other subjects in secondary
education
 require focus , there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great value in sustaining the interest in
arts
 and
music
. I agree that a substantial increase in
arts
 educational experience will have a remarkable impact on student's academic, social and emotional outcomes.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas are logically organized throughout the essay. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
task response
Ensure that you fully address the prompt and provide specific, detailed examples to support your ideas. Use a variety of sentence structures to develop your arguments and address all aspects of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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