Some people believe that our happiness depends on how much money we have. Others say that money cannot buy happiness. Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?

#people #happiness #money #factors

It is argued that the term

Change preposition

apply

show examples

happiness

differently

Replace the word

different

show examples

with

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for

show examples

individuals. One of the most important

factor

Change to a plural noun

factors

show examples

happiness

Remove the article

apply

show examples

money

. Everything is motivated by

money

that is

really

Correct article usage

a really

show examples

simple key but essential

factors

Fix the agreement mistake

factor

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. I

am completely agree

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completely agree

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with that, we are

undeniably

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undeniable

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

don’t have enough

money

, we can not buy

the

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apply

show examples

fundamental items.

This

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In this

show examples

essay I will focus on the discussion about

money

is the most important condition to get easily cheerfulness.

Firstly

money

can buy other fundamental

factors

including foods, accommodations, clothes, and medications. There affected

with

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show examples

human quality

life

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of life

show examples

?There are the most

principle

Correct your spelling

principal

show examples

factors

that are desired by humans.

However

, when people get completely about fundamental

factors

they will get

happiness

soon. It is a natural

life

of humans.

Therefore

poor

Correct article usage

a poor

show examples

person that can not reach some

essentially

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essential

show examples

factors

may be less

happier

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happy

show examples

than

rich

Add an article

a rich

show examples

person.

Moreover

, basic satisfactions depend on people can reach the fundamental

factors

Secondly

, financial

stability

is equally

stability

Replace the word

stable

show examples

in their

life

. Successful of their occupation and business is a

second

step to

get

Change the verb form

getting

show examples

easily

happiness

. More

money

can

response

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respond

show examples

their

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to their

show examples

needs or luxury goods that include vehicles, luxury foods and brand name goods.

Consequently

, financial

stability

is important to get easier

stability

life

and sustainable

happiness

Thirdly

money

is not only make

Change the verb form

is not only made

is not only making

show examples

happier with you

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but only make

happiness

with

other

Correct pronoun usage

others

show examples

around with you. Most people spend

money

with

other

Correct pronoun usage

others

show examples

to take a little opportunity with someone.

For instance

, donate for

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

orphans or animals.

In addition

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

happiness

are

Change the verb form

show examples

occurred by indirectly ways from others. In conclusion,

happiness

is around with as well as

money

is only one of

part

Add an article

the part

a part

show examples

that can get easier

happiness

Money

can help we

are have

Change the verb form

have

show examples

higher

Add an article

a higher

show examples

quality of

life

, get

Correct article usage

a more

show examples

convenient

life

and receives indirectly

happiness

from others.

Submitted by ploypanut on Tue Aug 17 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

299 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that our happiness depends on how much money we have. Others say that money cannot buy happiness. Do you think that having money is the key to happiness, or are there more important factors?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people believe that there should be the death penalty for extremely serious crimes. Others believe that it is not morally correct to kill criminals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Write to the company. In your letter •Describe what you purchased •Explain why you are not happy with the purchase •Tell them what you would like them to do about the situation