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Band 5

Many people use distance learning program to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the benefit as much attending college or universities. To what extend do you agree and disagree?

#people #distance #program #study #home #benefit #college #universities
Nowadays, many
students
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 online platforms for
distance
 learning programs, some argue that more essential
if
Change preposition
to
show examples
 study at an institute. I agree with both
of
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apply
show examples
views. I will express my opinions in
this
 essay. Undoubtedly, modern technology has become a more important role in every organization.
Such
 as Amazon shopping online, Market sales on Facebook or Instagram and education online as well. The online platform has become an influence in the education system. Obviously, with the
COVID19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
 spread happens,
students
 can not go to school or educational institutions to study. So it allows benefits for people using
distance
 learning programs.
For example
, In 2020, I
had
Verb problem
was
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admission
Replace the word
admitted
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 for a course in
Master
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Master's
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 degree of Visual Art in Canada but I
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 not fly to Canada because of
COVID-19
Correct article usage
the COVID-19
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 pandemic
situations
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situation
show examples
 as the country
has
Wrong verb form
was on
show examples
 lockdown.
Therefore
 the university sends me the link to getting into a
distance
 learning program.
As a result
, I can save
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on a
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 cost
for
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of
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 an aeroplane ticket and I do not have to spend money on accommodation,
making
Verb problem
giving
show examples
 me
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
an advantage from that point.
On the other hand
, studying
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
 in an academy is
also
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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useful.
Because it
Correct word choice
It
show examples
 allows people to participate with the professors in the class, if
who
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 do not understand
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the subject,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they can ask
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
question
Fix the agreement mistake
questions
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 immediately with the teacher. Another reason for attending classes in college is
students
 can stay connected with friends to do an activity together,
such
 as
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 or help each other with a research examination.
For instance
, The university in Finland has a huge lap for
students
 to demonstrate in their subject
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is vitally necessary for the student.
In addition
, the library In the institute has a ton of resources for knowledge.
To sum up
, there are clear benefits to
distance
 learning and attending college.
However
, it depends on the situation.
Submitted by rabbit_big12 on

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task achievement
Your essay covers both perspectives on the topic, which is excellent for a well-rounded argument. However, it would be beneficial to delve deeper into each point for a more comprehensive discussion.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try using more transition words and phrases to better link your ideas. For example, 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' and 'In contrast,' can help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details. This will make your essay easier to follow and more logically structured.
task achievement
To strengthen your task response, try to balance your arguments by giving equal weight to both sides. It seems your pro-distance learning argument is a bit more fleshed out compared to face-to-face classes.
task achievement
You’ve included relevant and specific examples to back up your points, which is very effective at demonstrating your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion do a good job of framing your essay and summarizing your points.
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