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Writing Samples
Band 4

In some places, young people find it difficult to communicate with older people. Why is this? What are the solutions?

#places #people
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Somewhere in the world, teens think that it is quite tough to interact with
people
Use synonyms
 who are different
ages
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.
This
Linking Words
 seems to be a big problem of communication in the world, it affects the relation
better
Correct your spelling
between
show examples
people
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 in a different range of youth. The following paragraphs will outline the causes of
this
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 issue and
also
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 suggest some practical solutions. It is apparent that teenagers feel shy or not confident to talk with someone who is older than they are,
therefore
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, the relationships of two persons or groups of
people
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 will never begin.
For example
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, from my experiences, my
friends
Fix the agreement mistake
friend
show examples
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
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 to be better at playing the guitar, but he was not confident
to
Rephrase
enough to
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 ask the older artists how to
get
Verb problem
apply
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developed
Wrong verb form
develop
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. As
the
Correct article usage
a
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 result, he
got
Verb problem
went
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 back to his room and practised it himself. For other causes
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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different
attitudes
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. It can be seen that the range of
ages
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play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 the role of individual
attitudes
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,
such
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 as
this
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 incident,
while
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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older
people
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 think it is not appropriate to wear a bikini,
on the
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contrary
Add the comma(s)
contrary,
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 young girls think there
was not
Verb problem
is
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anything
Correct pronoun usage
nothing
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 wrong.
Moreover
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, most
the
Change preposition
of the
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 seniors are very confident in themselves, they will not let the younger
ages
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 speak for them,
This
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 cause is possible to be the major reason for
this
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 problem. To tackle
this
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 problem, there are several things we can change for better interactions between the different
ages
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.
Firstly
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, the seniors have to listen more to the children.
Although
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what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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they
are conflicting
Wrong verb form
conflict
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to
Change preposition
with
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 your
attitudes
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, more
listen
Replace the word
listening
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refer
Correct subject-verb agreement
refers
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 to a more close
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
.
Furthermore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children should be respectful to everyone who is older than they are, even
the
Correct word choice
though the
show examples
attitudes
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 are
much
Rephrase
very
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 different,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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there is nothing wrong
to listen
Change preposition
with listening
show examples
. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, it would be easier to communicate with everyone over the world. To summarize, difficult communication is mainly caused by individual backgrounds. They can change their
attitudes
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 to open up their minds to new things they have never thought about.
Submitted by thitiwatpava on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing ideas in a more coherent manner. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the given task. Provide a clearer response to why young people find it difficult to communicate with older people and offer more specific solutions to improve communication.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological proficiency
  • communication gap
  • digital tools
  • worldviews
  • common ground
  • contemporary slang
  • informal language
  • misunderstandings
  • social hierarchy
  • cultural norms
  • stereotypes
  • prejudices
  • open communication
  • out of touch
  • inexperienced
  • effective communication
  • intergenerational programs
  • cross-generational activities
  • mutual respect
  • active listening
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